Nationalities Jokes / Recent Jokes
I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at itcause it was prettier than most.The clerk said, "It's made in Germany".I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then".The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't like German pens?"I said, "No. I just never learned to write German."
What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary? An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...
Q: What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored? A: They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.
A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" more...
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York Cityrestaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmenseated there are furiously masturbating.She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you see? We areall berry hungry."The waitress begs the question, "So, how is whacking-off inthe middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?"One of the other Japanese men replies,"The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long KeshPrison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "ForHeavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried theGUNS!!! At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug upthe entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote tohis son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. Hisson's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."