NBC Jokes / Recent Jokes
Today I learned Andy Samberg of SNL fame is dating Kirsten Dunst aka Marie Antoinette, Queen of Lame. Uncool Andy. Why won't you return my calls? Also uncool. (quickly IMDBs Kirsten Dunst) Well, have fun Bringing it On in Elizabethtown while this Crazy/Beautiful Mona Lisa is NOT Smiling. Enjoy your constant Interview with a snaggletoothed Vampire. Why can't you be MY Spider Man for once? Am I not Drop Dead Gorgeous? Why do you have to be such a Dick? You told me I was The Cat's Meow! Did you catch the US Open last week at Wimbledon? Me either. Anyway, Im gonna go play Jumanji with some Little Women. Oh, and thanks for leaving me Fifteen and Pregnant. I'll Get Over It.
Jay Leno is making news by suing an author for reprinting his jokes. Ironically, a small town newspaper placed the story under a picture of a cow named Michael Jackson being milked to death.
"A cow named Michael Jackson? Does it moo walk?" - Jay Leno
In a revealing new interview with the New York Times, best selling author Suze Orman outs herself as a lesbian and a 55 year old virgin.
Suze admits that "I have never been with a man my whole life," even though she regularly gives married couples counseling on her CNBC show.
So now the verdict is out; Suze has lots of advice, but she doesn't know dick.
Ventriloquist Terry Fator won the top prize of $1 million on the reality show America’s Got Talent. “If I had known a puppet act would take it all, I would have put myself on the show,” said Karl Rove.
...NBC Universal has purchased the Weather Channel for $3.5 billion...the deal includes a guarantee for no rain on Macy's Thanksgiving day parade for 30 yrs.
And in other news, Japan's famed caricature artist Takamashi Muhara suffered a stroke while trying to trace a typical Japanese tourist's face today. He also found out that he no longer has a 401K plan.
Happy people reported watching an average of 19 hours of TV per week, unhappy people reported 25 hours a week, and manic depressants reported watching 42 hours per week of NBC programming.