Mower Jokes / Recent Jokes

A new sales assistant was hired at a large dept. store. On his first day, the
sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by
the gardening section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed.
The sales manager stepped in.
SM: Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?
C: I guess so. I'll take one.
SM: And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?
C: Um, okay.
SM: Here's a couple of bags. You'll also need a lawn mower to cut the grass
when it starts growing too long.
C: I'll take one of those too.
After the customer left, the sales manager turned to the assistant. "You see?"
he said, "that's the way to make a good sale. Always sell more than what
the customer originally came in for."
Impressed, the assistant headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where
he was to work. Soon, a man strolled in.
MAN: I'd like to buy a pack of Tampax, please.
SA: more...

What's the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?
You can tune a lawn mower, and the owner's neighbors will be upset if you borrow the lawn mower and don't return it.

Signs You Hired The Wrong Kid To Mow Your Lawn

He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag.

On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats.

Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher.

Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head.

You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher.

He's fascinated by the details of you home security system.

Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings.

Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus.

Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks.

No toes.

One summer, on a Friday afternoon, a young man was being trained by his supervisor on his first day as a salesperson at a large department store. His supervisor was trying to show him the amount of things he could sell to customers by making them feel they needed the items. "Watch this," he said and approached a man who has just entered the store. "May I help you, sir?"
The man replied, "I just moved into my first house and I need some fertiliser for my lawn."
So the supervisor said, "Well, we have five- and ten-pound bags of fertiliser. I recommend you go with the ten pound bag."
"Why is that?"
"The ten-pound bag will get you through most of the summer, but the five-pound bag won't," the supervisor answered.
"Fine," the man agreed, "I'll take the ten-pounder." "Very good sir. And would you like the stiff rake or the spring-rake with that?"
"Rake? What do I need that more...

Musician Jokes - In Score Order
How do you get two piccolos to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.
What's the definition of a minor second?
Two flutists playing in unison.
What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe.
What's the difference between playing an English horn solo and wetting your pants?
Nothing. Both give you a warm feeling but no one else cares.
What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes when you jump on the trampoline.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the bassoon recital.
Why do clarinetists leave their cases on their dashboards?
So they can park in handicapped zones.
What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
What's the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?
You can tune a lawn mower, more...

Making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, a preacher came upon a little boy selling a lawn mower.
"How much are you asking for the mower?" the preacher asked.
"Just enough so I can buy myself a bicycle," replied the boy.
After thinking it over for a moment, the preacher asked, "Would you consider taking my bike in trade for it?"
The little boy asked if he could try the bike out first and after riding it around for a while, he said, "You've got yourself a deal."
The preacher took the mower and started trying to crank it. He pulled on the string a number of times, but there was no response from the mower. He called the little boy over and said, "I can't seem to get the mower to start."
"That's because you have to curse at it to get it started," the boy replied.
"Son, I've been a minister for many, many years. I don't even remember how to curse," said the preacher.
"Just more...

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. "How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher.

"I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle," said the little boy. After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?"

The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and after riding the bike around a little while said, "Mister, you've got yourself a deal."

The preacher took the mower and began to try to crank it. He pulled on the string a few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start."

The little boy said, "That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started." The preacher said, "I am a minister, and I cannot cuss. It has been so long since I have been more...