Mower Jokes / Recent Jokes

Just so everyone has a better understanding, I believe that, in general, women are saner than men. For example: If you see people who have paid good money to stand in an outdoor stadium on a freezing December day wearing nothing on the upper halves of their bodies except paint, those people will be male.

Without males, there would be no such sport as professional lawn mower racing. Also, there would be a 100 percent decline in the annual number of deaths related to efforts to shoot beer cans off of heads.

Also, if women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be no war. I sincerely believe this - virtually no military conflicts, and if there were a military conflict, everyone involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of thoughtful notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon (which would be salads, with the dressing on the side).

So, I sincerely believe that more...

What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower?
1. Lawn mowers sound better in small ensemles.
2. The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.
3. The grip.

This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found oneat a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning." This mower work, son?" the preacher asked. Little Johnny said, "Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though." The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start. Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny'shouse. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough." "Well," Johnny said, "you need to curse at it sometimes." The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!""Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.' 'How much do you want for the mower?'' asked the preacher.' 'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle'', said the little boy.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked,' 'Will you take my bike in trade for it?'' The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and after riding the bike around a little while said,' 'Mister, you've got yourself a deal.'' The preacher took the mower and began to try to crank it. He pulled on the string a few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little boy over and said,' 'I can't get this mower to start.''

The little boy said,' 'That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started.''

The preacher said,' 'I am a minister, and I cannot cuss. It has been so long since I have been saved that I do not even remember how to cuss.''

The more...

He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag. On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats. Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher. Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head. You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher. He's fascinated by the details of you home security system. Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings. Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus. Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks. No toes.