Misses Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little boy put on his baseball uniform and went outside to play, chanting "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!" He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike one!
He adjusts his hat and says, "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!"
He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike two!
He adjusts his hat a little more, takes a couple of practice swings and says, "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!"
Once more, he throws the ball in the air, swings and misses again. Strike three!
He thinks for a few moments about what just took place, then says, "I'm the best pitcher in the world!"

Just after I got married, I decided to have a night with "the boys."
I told the misses that I would be home by midnight...promise!
Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 a.m. full as a boot, I went home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having the quick wittedness, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning the misses asked me what time I got in and I told her 12 o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one!
She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said 'shit,' cuckooed another 4 times, farted, cuckooed another 3 times, cleared its throat, and cuckooed twice then giggled."

Just after I got married, I decided to have a night with "the boys." I told the misses that I would be home by midnight...promise! Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 a.m. full as a boot, I went home.Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having the quick wittedness, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.The next morning the misses asked me what time I got in and I told her 12 o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one! She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said 'shit,' cuckooed another 4 times, farted, cuckooed another 3 times, cleared its throat, and cuckooed twice then giggled."

the local vicar and a villager are having a game of golf and the villager gets to put and misses and goes damm missed the buger
and the vicar says if you say that again god will open up the heavens and strike u dead with a lightning bolt the village goes to strike again and misses and goes damm missed the buger the heavens opened up and a lightning bolt struck the vicar and god says damm missed the buger.

A priest and a drunk man were playing golf together. The priest told the drunk to tee off first. The drunk swings and, of course, misses. "Damn, I missed!" he says.
The priest tells the drunk to watch his language. The drunk tells the priest to just shut up, swings again, and misses again. "Damn, I missed AGAIN!" he says.
The priest says, "If you say that again, the heavens are going to part and God will strike you down!"
The drunk just shrugs and swings again, missing badly. "Damn, I missed AGAIN!" he says.
Suddenly, the heavens part and a lightning bolt strikes... the priest. Then a loud, booming voice says, "DAMN, I MISSED!"