Metal Jokes / Recent Jokes

BY ERYK SALVAGGIO
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1. Norvasc
2. Xentrix
3. Skelaxin
4. Glycolax
5. Eidolon
6. Acyclovir
7. Hirax
8. Mythotyn
9. Krabathor
10. Ilium
11. Ketek
12. Insomnium
13. Armour Thyroid
14. Depakote
15. Lantus
16. Diovan
17. Zetia
18. Gorgoroth
19. Amebix
20. Finntroll
21. Behexen
22. Flonase
23. Xalatan
24. Avelox
25. Ted Nugent
26. Treponem Pal
27. Advair Diskus
28. Zocor
29. Ensiferum
30. Ambien
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Answers:

Metal bands:
2, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 18, 19, 20, 21, 23, 25, 26, 29
Prescription drugs:
1, 3, 4, 6, 11, 13, 14, 16, 17, 22, 24, 27, 28, 30

1. Carefully calculate power requirements, based on room dimensions, etc. Multiply by a factor of 100.

2. The ideal system should have as many lights as possible, preferably blinking and flashing in time with the music.

3. The components should all have black metal finish, and generally look very cool.

4. The system should be broken up into as many components as possible. (e. g. pre-amp, pre-pre-amp, pre-menstrual-amp, post-amp, post-menopause-amp, etc.)

5. The most important part of a stereo system is the speakers, they should look very cool. Size and number of sub-speakers and varieties of components pointed at the listener is important. (e. g. tweeters, hooters, sub-woofers, super-sub-woofers, seismic noise generators, etc.)

6. The system should resemble the cockpit of an F16 or 757 aircraft; the more knobs and dials you can turn, the better.

7. The system should have full remote control capability, including over more...

Hi people. This is a story that me and my friends wrote when
we had nothing to do at the office. It is one of those stories
where everyone writes one paragraph and compiles this weird and
wonderful, and sometimes humourous story.
I hope you like it.

Long ago there was a magnificent bell that rang everyday and filled
the city with it's glorious sound.
The piano was set up hign on a pedistal with it's haunting
music drifting down into the city.
He wore a bermuda bathing suit. The bathing suit was pink
with red polka dots on it and he used it to flirt with all the
naked chicks on the beach.
The bell came on all the chicks and they sighed with
pleasure because it was the best sex they'd ever had. The bell
said "I'm not bad for a hunk of metal." The metal
then walked home happy at his new found discovery.
It was the car of the century - the corvette. Six speed mannual
, sunroof, electric more...

The following paper is taken from The Journal of Irreproducible Results, Volume 25
Number 4/1979. P. O. Box 234 Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411
1. INTRODUCTION
Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several court decisions in the United
States which have restricted popular magazines from printing articles which describe how to make
an atomic bomb. The reason usually given by the courts is that national security would be
compromised if such information were generally available. But, since it is commonly known that
all of the information is publicly available in most major metropolitan libraries, obviously the
court's officially stated position is covering up a more important factor; namely, that such
atomic devices would prove too difficult for the average citizen to construct. The United States
courts cannot afford to insult the vast majorities by insinuating that they do not have the
intelligence of a cabbage, and more...

There were once three guys with no dicks. They all went to the doctor's.
The first guy says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!"
"What's the problem?" asks the doctor.
"I have no dick!"
So the doctor gives him a metal dick and tells him to come back in a week.
The next guy comes in and says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!"
"What's wrong?" the doctor asks.
"I have no dick!"
The doctor gives him a wooden dick and tells him to come back in a week.
The last guy comes in and has the same problem. The doctor gives him an electrical dick, and also tells him to come back in a week.
A week later, the first guy with the metal dick goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, I hate you, I hate you!"
"Why?" asks the doctor.
"Well, everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she starts to shiver!" He walks out.
The next guy with the wooden dick more...

Reggie owned an elephant, but the cost of feeding it was getting out of hand. Then he got an idea. He had seen elephants lift one leg, and even two legs. Once in a circus he'd even seen an elephant lift three legs in the air and stand on just one.
So Reggie announced to the world that he'd pay ten thousand dollars to anyone who could make his elephant stand in the air on no legs. However, each person who wanted to try would have to pay a hundred dollars.
People came from near and far. They tried everything from coaxing to hypnotism, but no one could make the elephant rise up in the air.
Then one day a blue convertible drove up and a little man got out and addressed Reggie: "Is it true that you'll pay ten thousand dollars if I make your elephant get off all four legs?"
"Yes," Reggie said, "but you've got to pay one hundred dollars to try."
The little man handed Reggie a hundred-dollar bill. Then he went back to he car and took out a more...

There were once three guys with no dicks. They all went to the doctor's.The first guy says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!""What's the problem?" asks the doctor."I have no dick!"So the doctor gives him a metal dick and tells him to come back in a week.The next guy comes in and says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!" "What's wrong?" the doctor asks."I have no dick!"The doctor gives him a wooden dick and tells him to come back in a week.The last guy comes in and has the same problem. The doctor gives him an electrical dick, and also tells him to come back in a week.A week later, the first guy with the metal dick goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, I hate you, I hate you!""Why?" asks the doctor."Well, everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she starts to shiver!" He walks out.The next guy with the wooden dick comes in and says, "Doctor! I hate more...