Loud Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    3-year-old Reese:
    "Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
    Harold is His name.
    Amen."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    A little boy was overheard praying:
    "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
    I'm having a real good time like I am."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~! ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
    After the christening of his baby brother in church,
    Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
    His father asked him three times what was wrong.
    Finally, the boy replied,
    "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
    and I wanted to stay with you guys."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin,
    the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime.
    She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
    Finally, she decided to go solo.
    I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each more...

    Too much thinking...

    Hot 1 year ago

    Last year authorities in Montana discovered that a hermit had been living in an old Forest Service cabin, and they were concerned about his well being. They decided to send up a team of experts from different fields to analyze his living arrangements, and to make sure that he was okay.First they decided on a Psychologist, to make sure that the man was mentally handling his isolation. Next, they decided on an Engineer, to make sure that the cabin is still structurally sound and safe. Finally, they decided on a Theological professor from the university, to make sure that the man's spiritual needs were being fulfilled.The team made it's way up the treacherous terrain in three days, but they were truly exhausted. Finally, on the evening of the third day, they spotted the cabin. From the outside, it appeared all was well.The area around the cabin was clean, the ground almost appearing as though it had been swept often. There was smoke coming from the stove pipe chimney, and the door was more...

    Moon Mission

    Hot 4 years ago

    Moon MissionNASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two pigs and Kiki, a stunning blonde. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off. Contact is made: "Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over." "Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear." "Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?" "Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon landing. Over." "That's right. Over and out." They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage." Hello, Pig 2? Come in please." "Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear." "OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?" "Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the green button to initiate the launch program." "That's right, Pig 2. Over and out." An hour later, when the rocket has achieved the correct speed the last stage drops off more...

    Adam was lonely.

    Hot 1 year ago

    Adam was wandering around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, when he heard a loud voice ask him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to, and he was feeling very lonely.
    Then the loud voice said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. The voice continued, saying; "this person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed."
    Adam thought that sounded great, so he asked "What would a woman like this cost me??"
    The voice answered, "an arm and a leg."
    Adam thought about that for a moment. He thought that would be a pretty high price to more...

    Loud Slap

    Hot 4 years ago

    There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.

    Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.
    When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.

    The Englishman was thinking:' The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.'

    Claudia Schiffer was thinking:' The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.'

    And the Scotsman was thinking:' This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that English b**tard again.

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