Liz Jokes / Recent Jokes

My friend Liz, her two kids (Kelli, age four and Emily, age two), and I often go out to eat at the two Chinese Restaurants in town. Liz and I always get a laugh at Emily's fortunes because they are always meant for adults. For example, here are two of the fortunes that Emily got: You are the star in the sky of someone's romantic eye. (or something like that) A magical evening awaits you. Once I got a fortune with a typo. It read: You will step on the soil of amny countries. (instead of many).

Sally was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, had never seen Sally looking so sad. Liz said, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay, but you look so sad. Why?" Sally replied, "Because I just can't get a man." Liz said, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods." "Don't be so silly, Sally said, "I know that. I went in the woods because I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it." Liz said, "I don't understand what you're talking about." Sally replied, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage." "So, how's that gonna help you get a man?" asked Liz. Sally said, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."

“My husband’s always playing around, ” Liz complained to Debbie as they pedaled their exercise bicycles one morning. “It’s made me so anxious I can’t even eat. ” “Then why don’t you leave him? ” Debbie asked. “Oh, I will, ” replied Liz, “just as soon as I hit 105. ”