Knot Jokes / Recent Jokes

This one will perhaps only be good for your more advanced students.
A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman refuses to serve him saying rudely,' Sorry but we don't serve the likes of you. Get out!'
The piece of string leaves the bar feeling glum, he walks down the road and then he sees two girls who he asks for help.' Please,' he says to one of the girls, would you tie a knot in me?' This she does.' Please,' the piece of string says to the other girl,'would you mind taking your comb and fluffing out the ends of my string?' so the girl obliges.
'Thank you' says the string and he turns around, goes back into the bar and immediately orders a drink again.
The barman looks at him quizzically and says' aren't you the piece of string that was in here a moment ago?'
'No' came the answer,' I'm a frayed knot.'

ODE TO A SPELL CHECKER by Jerrold H ZarI have a spelling checker. It came with my PC. It plane lee marks four my revue Miss steaks aye can knot sea. Eye ran this poem threw it, Your sure reel glad two no. Its vary polished in it's weigh. My checker tolled me sew. A checker is a bless sing. It freeze yew lodes of thyme. It helps me right awl stiles two reed, And aides me when aye rime. Each frays come posed up on my screen Eye trussed too be a joule. The checker pours o'er every word To cheque sum spelling rule. Bee fore a veiling checker's Hour spelling mite decline, And if we're lacks oar have a laps, We wood bee maid to wine. Butt now bee cause my spelling Is checked with such grate flare, Their are know fault's with in my cite, Of nun eye am a wear. Now spelling does knot phase me, it does knot bring a tier. My pay purrs awl due glad den With wrapped word's fare as hear. To rite with care is quite a feet Of witch won should bee proud, And wee mussed dew the best wee can, Sew flaw's more...

This one woman who was in her late 40's went to the plastic surgen. She wanted an entire face lift and so the doctor said he had this new technique. The woman asked how it was done so the doctor explained it. He said that he would cut two slits on top of her head and tie them into a knot. The woman asked why he would put a knot, and the doctor said that it was so if her face felt a little droopy, when she twisted it to the right, it would tighten the skin on her face. The woman decided to get the surgery done.The doctor told her to come back in four months so he could check up on how she was doing. During the four months the woman had tightened the knot quite a bit. When the woman had finally gone back to see the doctor, she had been complaining about her bags under her eyes being heavy.The doctor examined her for one minute and said, lady, those aren't bags under your eyes, they're your tits! And then the lady said, that would explain the gotee on my chin!

This rope walks into a bar and says,"Get me a beer!" The bar tender relies,"We don't serve beers to ropes here."
So the rope walks out and sees this guy walking down the sidewalk and says,"Tie me in a knot and fray the end."
So the guy does so. Then the rope walks back in the bar and says,"Get me a beer!" The bar tender replies,"Aren't you the same rope who just came in here?"
The rope says,"Fraid Knot!"

ODE TO A SPELL CHECKER
by Jerrold H Zar
I have a spelling checker.
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it`s weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a bless sing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too be a joule.
The checker pours o`er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore a veiling checker`s
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we`re lacks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid to wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know fault`s with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.
Now spelling does knot phase me,
it does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad more...

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. “Sorry, we don’t serve strings, ” says the bartender. “What? That sucks, ” said the string. So the string walks into the bathroom and ties himself in a knot and messes up his end. He comes back out and approaches the bar again and again orders a drink. “Hey, aren’t you that string? ” asks the bartender. “No. I’m a frayed knot. ”

State of Kentucky 12th Grade Reading Test TEST #1 TEST #2 TEST #3 TEST #4 MR Ducks MR Snakes MR Farmers MR Mice MR Knot MR Knot MR Knot MR Knot SAR SAR SAR SAR CM Wangs CM BDI's CMMT Pockets CMEDBD Feet LIB LIB LIB LIB MR Ducks MR Snakes MR Farmers MR Mice