Sea Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The "'Tis Bottle"

    Hot 5 years ago

    Once upon a time, there was a fellow who was down on his luck,
    and as he was looking through the classifieds, he saw an
    intriguing ad offering a ten million dollar reward to the person
    who could find and retrieve, intact, something called a "tis
    bottle."
    Having nothing to lose, he calls the man who placed the ad. "I
    absolutely must have this bottle, and there are only three
    surviving in the world," the wealthy man tells him, "one is in
    the heart of the deepest jungle, one is at the bottom of the
    coldest, darkest sea, and one is at the top of the highest
    mountain. I will pay your expenses for however long it takes to
    bring me one of these bottles, as well as giving you the ten
    million."
    Being an adventurous fellow, he decides to accept the offer.
    First, he gathers a retinue of guides and hunters to go with him
    into the jungle. He studies for months to prepare, and when he
    is more...

    Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. He used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

    "Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

    "Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

    A Seaman's Tale

    Hot 4 years ago

    Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at sea when they were hijacked by a group of pirates. The pirates cornered the 3 men and said "Give us all your valuables!" The chief pirate then raised a syringe and added, "Or else we'll inject you with the AIDS virus!" Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they threw him into the sea. Muthu was equally quick to comply with the pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his valuables and surrendered them to the pirates. Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea. Finally it came to Ah Beng's turn. He stared at the pirates and sneered. "You all kee see lah! (go and die!) Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my lolex and my JPG warret!" The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Beng with the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea with the rest. In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu commended Ah Beng for his bravery. more...

    A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- Make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way."

    Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls (bagels, get it?).

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