Keeper Jokes / Recent Jokes

The beautiful young lady strolled through the zoo, and finally stopped in front of the monkey island. Mystified as to the whereabouts of the animals, she queried the keeper, "Where are all the monkeys today?"
"They're back in the cave, Miss, it's the mating season."
"Will they come out if I throw them some peanuts?"
The keeper scratched his head. "I don't know, Miss. Would you?"

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla that had escaped from the zoo in his tree. He quickly calls the zoo and is told that the zoo keeper will be right over.
A short time later, the zoo keeper arrives, bringing with him a large stick, a dog, a shotgun and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions:
"I'm going to poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls out of the tree. When he does, this trained dog will bite his balls off. The gorilla will then cross his hands, trying to protect himself, and this will give you time to put the handcuffs on him. OK?"
"OK," the man says, "but what's the shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the zoo keeper says, "shoot the damn dog!"

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo-keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts. So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cag e next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls more...

A young man was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo. When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.
Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.
"Where are the tortoises?" he asked.
"I can't believe it," said the new employee, "I just opened the door and whooooosh, they were gone!"

Tiger Woods went on holiday to Mississippi, while he was on vacation he decided to go for a game of golf to get a little practice in.
As he arrived at the course he is stopped by the green keeper.
"Sorry" says the green keeper, "we don't allow coloured people on this course" he says." In fact if you want a game theres a course just a 4 iron away for your sort" he says. " Don't you know i'm tiger Woods?" says Tiger. " Oh i'm very sorry then sir, I didn't recognise you, in that case it's only a six iron for you then"

"I say, I say, I say. Why did the lighthouse keeper's marriage end in divorce?"

"I don't know. Why did it end in divorce?"

"It was on the rocks from the beginning."

Martin was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the job centre he was offered work at the local Zoo. When he arrived for his first day, the keeper aware of his reputation told him to take care of the tortoise section. Later, the keeper dropped by to see how Martin was getting on and found him standing by an empty enclosure. "Where are the tortoises?" he asked him. "I can't believe it" said Martin "I just opened the door and then.....Whooooosh!"