Jungle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once An American Called Santa To America. When Santa Arrived At America, The American Took Him To A Deep Jungle. They Both Dug 200m Below The Ground. They Found A Wire. American: See, Our Ancient People Also Used Telephones. Santa Felt Bad So He Called The American To India. When The American Arrived, They Both Went To The Jungle. They Dug 500m Below The Ground But Found No Wire. Santa: Our Ancient People Used Cellphones!!

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.

There was this tiger that woke up one morning and just felt great. He felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him, "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"

And the poor quaking little monkey replied, "You are of course, no one is mightier than you."

A little while later the tiger confronted a deer, and bellowed out, "WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"

The deer shook so hard it could barely speak, but managed to stammer, "Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."

The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered up to an elephant who was quietly munching on some weeds, and roared at the top of his voice: "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?"

Well, the elephant grabbed the tiger with his trunk, picked him up, slammed him down; picked him up again, and shook him until the tiger was just a more...

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.
Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for awhile.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.
As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that for!?'
Tarzan replied, 'Always check for squirrels.'

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for awhile.Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that for!?'Tarzan replied, 'Always check for squirrels.'

Three men were flying on a plane over the jungle when it crashed. They were the only people who survived. They decided that starting the next morning one of them would go out and make weapons and see if he could kill anything.
So the next morning the first man went out. He didn't come back till about noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the deer back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill deer."
So the next morning the second guy set out. He too came back at noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the buffalo he had killed back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he had killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill buffalo."
The next morning the third guy went out. The other two were watching and watching for him. When it was almost sundown and he still hadn't returned they started getting worried. Then they saw a more...

A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was "all torn up."

"What happened?" he asked.

"Well, we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck."

"Go on". the friend said.

"Well, I stealthily sneaked up to the tail laying across the jungle path, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward. .. just as the procedure goes." "So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked.

"Did you ever *goose* a tiger?"