Jackass Jokes

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    The Jackasses

    Hot 6 years ago

    This Story is true! For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you *don't* know! Now get this.
    I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it.
    A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
    I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"
    Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had written the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.
    When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a jackass!" and hung up.
    Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk more...

    Irish father O`Malley got up one fine spring morning and walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside and noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went something like this: "What a grand morinin it is. This is Sgt. Flaherty! How might I help ye?" "This is irish father O`Malley at St.Bridget`s. There`s a jackass lying dead on me front lawn. Would ye mind sending a couple o`yer lads to take care of the matter?" Sgt.Flaherty considered himself to be quite a wit so the rest of the conversation proceeded: "Well, now irish father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a moment and then irish father O`Malley replied: "Aye, that`s certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

    A guy and his wife walked into a bar one day, the wife takes a seat and the guy goes up to the bar.The barman goes over to the guy and asks him what he wants, the guy replies", I'll have a bottle of bud and an orange juice for the jackass".The barman looks at the guy puzzled but say's nothing and gives the guy his drink. this happens twice more.A couple of hours pass and the guy goes to the mens room and his wife goes up to the bar. This time she orders the drinks.The barman gets the drinks and says, "it's probably none of my business, but I think you should know that your husband has been referring to you as the jackass. I just had to tell you because I dont think it's very fair for him to call you that". The woman turns to him and smiles and says..."Oh, dont worry, it's ok - heaw, heaw, he always calls me that"!

    Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
    He promptly called the US Senate for assistance.
    The conversation went like this:
    "Good morning, this is Senator Trent Lott. How might I help you?"
    "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
    Senator Lott, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now, Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"
    There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.
    Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next more...

    Knock-knock
    Come in
    Jackass
    Come in jackass

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