International Jokes / Recent Jokes

Answering that age old question, "Why Didn't He Call?":

Guys are born with a fundamental, genetically transmitted mental condition known to psychologists as: The Fear That If You Get Attached to a woman, Some Unattached Guy, Somewhere, Will Be Having More Fun Than You.

This is why all married guys assume that all unmarried guys lead lives of excitement involving hot tubs full of naked international fashion models; whereas in fact for most unmarried guys, the climax of the typical evening is watching an infomercial for Hair-in-a-Spray can while eating onion dip straight from the container. (This is also true of married guys, although statistically they are far more likely to be using a spoon.)

So guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments, or even to take steps that might lead to commitment. This is why, when a guy goes out on a date with a woman and finds himself really liking her, he often will demonstrate his affection by avoiding her more...

Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality.The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearingcomplaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and becomefurious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and orderedhim to investigate the matter.The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, andthen reported on the problem to him.He said:" Sir, the stamp is really of international quality.The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!"

Acronyms for International AirlinesItalyALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In ArrivalALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia--------------------------------------------------------------------------------BritainBOAC = Better on a camel --------------------------------------------------------------------------------BelgiumSABENA = Such A Bloody Experience Never Again--------------------------------------------------------------------------------PakistanPIA = Please, Inform Allah--------------------------------------------------------------------------------YugoslaviaJAT = joke About Time--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Pacific Western AirlinesPWA = Pray While AloftPWA = Please Wait Awhile Airlines--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Trans World Airlines = Teeney Weeny Airlines.

In the international school of Ireland, there is a very patriotic history
teacher.
One day, the teacher asked his students, "Who is the most important man in
the history of the world?" He then offered 2 shillings to the student who
gets the right answer.
A French student stands up and says, "Napoleon was the most important man
in the history of the world."
The teacher looked at him and said, "Napoleon was a great man, no doubt,
but he wasn't the most important man, or the man I'm looking for. Sorry, no
shilling for ya."
Then, an Italian student stands up and says, "Leonardo da Vinci was the
most important man in the history of the world."
The teacher looked at him and said, "Leonardo da Vinci was a great man
also, no doubt, but he wasn't the most important man, or the man I'm
looking for. Sorry, no shilling for ya either."
Then, a Jewish student stands up, out of no where and more...

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.
In a heroic dogfight, fought over international waters off the mainland China coast, a 60s era American-built Lockheed Electra propeller airliner with 24 US Navy passengers/observers aboard chewed up one of China’s best state-of-the-art supersonic fighter aircraft.
The Americans utilizing the infrequently seen combat tactic of straight and level flight, often accomplished by relying solely on auto pilot, engaged the unfortunate single seat combat jet and knocked it out of the air using only one of its four formidable rotating air mass propeller weapons system.
After the action, the crew and passengers/observers dropped in on China’s Hainan Island Resort for some much-deserved R&R as guests of the Chinese more...

An International Breakfast
At a breakfast table, there was a British couple, an American couple and an
Australian couple.
The British husband, who liked to use puns, said to his wife, "Can you pass
the honey, Honey?"
Not wanting to lose out, the American husband turned and said to his wife, "Do
you mind passing the sugar, Sugar?"
The Australian husband did not want to lose out either, but he could not think
how he could copy the other 2 husbands. Finally, he spoke to his wife, "Pass
me the bacon, you Pig!!"

International Travellers Bloopers1. On a French passenger jet: Live West Under Your Seat. 2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. 3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. 4. In an Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a. m. daily. 5. In a Yugoslav hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. 6. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. 7. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday. 8. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension (???). 9. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today: no ice cream. 10. On the menu of a more...