Honestly Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. Whats a mans idea of honestly in a relationship? A. Telling you his real name.

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why get all bitter and surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back; I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you; or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too; I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a more...

* When you go to a Japanese restaurant, you start a “USA! USA! ” chant.
* When you girlfriend dumps you, you tell her she couldn’t “play with the big boys, ” and that she will never get past mid-card status.
* When you search and search the bible for the book of Austin.
* If you can actually remember Sting’s last public words.
* If on a job application, you state your residence as “parts unknown. ”
* If you quit your Job because you have to find your “Smile. ”
* When you’re getting beat up in a bar fight, but you honestly believe that with a little crowd support, you can turn this thing around.
* If you hit your co-worker in head with a chair while your manager is distracting him.
* When you look for Sting on the back of the milk carton during breakfast.
* When a guy steals your girl, you consider it an angle.
* When you rack your neighbor’s dog.
* When you attend a graduation, and yell “Ooooooh yeah! ” more...

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt,
diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about
the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to -- north, south,
east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do
drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to
wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around
checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction. I
don't whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why
get all bitter and surly.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have to sit
around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab
them in the back; I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll
never go psycho and threaten to kill you; or think every guy out
there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical
too; I more...