Hints Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, more...

From Late Show with David LettermanTop Ten Signs You've Gone To a Bad Chiropractor10. When you walk, you make a wacky accordion sound.9. Keeps saying, "A spine is like a box of chocolates."8. Repeatly asks, "You a cop? You sure you ain't a cop?"7. Over and over, you hear crunching sounds followed by "Uh-oh".6. There's a two drink minimum.5. At end of session, lies down on the table and says, "My turn!"4. He was nowhere near Woodstock and yet he's covered with mud.3. Rushes in late to your appointment still wearing his Burger King uniform.2. Hints that for an extra $50, he'll "straighten" something else.1. You're fully-clothed and he's naked.

Dating hints for gentlemen
There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date...
I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.
I used to come here all the time with my ex.
Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are their rules!
Please note. these are all numbered "1"
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your more...

Dating hints for gentlemenThere are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date... I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired. I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you. I used to come here all the time with my ex. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour. I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look. It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, or the shotgun formation.
Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely more...

From Late Show with David LettermanTop Ten Signs You've Gone To a Bad Chiropractor10. When you walk, you make a wacky accordion sound. 9. Keeps saying, "A spine is like a box of chocolates." 8. Repeatly asks, "You a cop? You sure you ain't a cop?" 7. Over and over, you hear crunching sounds followed by "Uh-oh". 6. There's a two drink minimum. 5. At end of session, lies down on the table and says, "My turn!"4. He was nowhere near Woodstock and yet he's covered with mud. 3. Rushes in late to your appointment still wearing his Burger King uniform. 2. Hints that for an extra $50, he'll "straighten" something else. 1. You're fully-clothed and he's naked.