Hint Jokes / Recent Jokes

Clearly: I don't want to write down all the "in-between" steps.
Trivial: If I have to show you how to do this, you're in the wrong class.
It can easily be shown: No more than four hours are needed to prove it.
Check for yourself: This is the boring part of the proof, so you can do it on your own time.
Hint: The hardest of several possible ways to do a proof.
Brute force: Four special cases, three counting arguments and two long inductions.
Elegant proof: Requires no previous knowledge of the subject matter and is less than ten lines long.
Similarly: At least one line of the proof of this case is the same as before.
Two line proof: I'll leave out everything but the conclusion, you can't question' em if you can't see' em.
Briefly: I'm running out of time, so I'll just write and talk faster.
Proceed formally: Manipulate symbols by the rules without any hint of their true meaning.
Proof omitted: Trust me, It's true.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn’t buy a kitten and
parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl.
‘You’re getting your Christmas present a week early this year, ’ her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. ‘Is that what you want? ’
The little girl said, ‘It’s wonderful, mother… just what I wanted. There’s just one thing wrong! ’
‘What’s that? ’ her mother asked.
‘Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws! ’
Her mother smiled. ‘Don’t worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you’ll find the claws are there. ’
Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worried about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days more...

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl.' You're getting your Christmas present a week early this year,' her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten.' Is that what you want?' The little girl said,' It's wonderful, mother...just what I wanted. There's just one thing wrong!'' What's that?' her mother asked.' Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws!' Her mother smiled.' Don't worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you'll find the claws are there.' Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn't even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of more...

Blond College Exam
HINT: this is an exam
1.Spell yes
2.spell no
3. what is 0-0 ANSWER:0
4. answer yes to this question
5. are you human
6. what did you answer #4 HINT: #=number
7. what number is this
8. is this an exam a):yes b);yes
9. spell your name
10. leave this one blank
11. write an aswser
12. check your email
13. repeat
14.eat.
15. turn in paper
REQUIREMENTS:Do #15 all others might be wrong
IF YOU MET THE REQUIREMENTS, YOU NOW HAVE A SCHOLARSHIP TO HARVORD FOR (4) BLONDS
ANSWERS
1. yes
2. no
3. 0
4. yes
5. yes
6. yes
7. 7
8. circle
9. sexy
10.
11. 9
12 he likes me
13. he doesn't
14. eggs
15.
15.
15.HEY BLONDY GO DIE
NOTE: noone has ever passed test

THESE ARE REAL NOTES FROM A REAL CHILLI COOK OFF
Notes from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the east coast:
"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chilli # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chilli # 2: more...