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    Texas Chili Contest

    Hot 7 years ago

    Notes from an inexperienced chili tester named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the east coast:
    Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The regular judge called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the two other judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have all the free beer I wanted during the chili tasting, so I accepted.
    Here are the scorecards from the event:
    CHILI #1: MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI
    Judge #1: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
    Judge #2: Nice, smooth flavor. Very mild.
    Frank: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me 3 beers to put the flames out. I hope this is the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
    CHILI #2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
    Judge #1: Smoky, with more...

    Name:_________
    1. Finish this pattern: a, _, c, d, e, f (hint, B)
    2. If you are standing, what are you doing? (hint, standing)
    3. Finish the sentence: I am a blond______
    4. Explain Einstein's theory, or spell cat
    5. Are you writing with a pen/pencil or a tissue? (hint pen/pencil)
    6. Spell the word chicken

    ...i have the worst luck when it comes to buying my girlfriend gifts...i buy her clothes that dont fit, books she doesnt like, and take her places she doesnt want to go to....this year for her birthday i asked her to give me a hint as to what she would like...she said, "how about getting me something that goes from 0-200 in under 6 seconds"...so i bought her a new bathroom scale.

    I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18"

    Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl.' You're getting your Christmas present a week early this year,' her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten.' Is that what you want?' The little girl said,' It's wonderful, mother...just what I wanted. There's just one thing wrong!'' What's that?' her mother asked.' Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws!' Her mother smiled.' Don't worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you'll find the claws are there.' Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn't even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of more...

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