Hills Jokes / Recent Jokes

A reporter when up into the hills of West Virginia to research an article about the area. He met an old man in a small town and asked him about memorable events in his life. "Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost. So me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went looking for it. We finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and wound up screwing the sheep. It was a lot of fun!" The reporter knew he couldn`t write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story. "Well, one time my neighbor`s wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We finally found her. Then we drank the moonshine and screwed her. Now that was a lot of fun!" The frustrated reporter told the old man that he couldn`t write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any sad memories he could talk about. The old man paused, then said, "Well, one time I got lost...... "

Banning, Blythe and Barstow no longer qualify as "distressed" cities under federal guidelines, nor do Adelanto, Lake Elsinore, or Loma Linda.
But Beverly Hills does.
According to a new U. S. Department of Housing and Urban Development list, Beverly Hills can apply for about $56 million a year in business development grants reserved for small cities suffering "physical and economic distress."

Before the first day of school, one day, a boy went and laid on top of Beverly Hills and watchd the sunrise. He loved the pretty sight, and was late to school. "Where were you?" asked the mad teacher. "I laid on top of Beverly Hills and watched the sunrise."
The next day, another boy went and laid on top of Beverly Hills and watched the sunrise. He was also late for class. The angry teacher said, "Why are you late Mister?"
"Oh shit!" the boy said. "I was layin' atop a pretty Bev'ly Hills, and watched the sunrise!
The next day, a girl came into the classroom late. The furious teacher said, "Lemme guess, you laid on top of Beverly Hills, and watched the sunrise." The girl looked shocked. "What the fuck are you talking about? Beverly Hills is my best friend!"

You can learn a lot from reading the graffiti in a bathroom, library or other public area... The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. * Women's rest room, Murphy's, Champaign, Ill. If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here - Your asshole is in Washington!* Men's rest room, Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Wash. Beauty is only a light switch away. * Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, N. C. If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives. * Armand's Pizza, Washington, D. C. Remember, it's not "How high are you?", it's "Hi, how are you?" * Rest stop off Route 81, W. VA. God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?* The Irish Times, Washington, D. C. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. * The Bayou, Baton Rouge, La. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. * Men's rest room, Linda's more...

Spring came along, and the Hill family decided to clean their house. After a hard Saturday's work, they became tired, and decided to take a nap. So they all stretched out on the living room floor and fell asleep. Just then, their next door neighbor, Mr. Brown, came by to borrow a cup of sugar. He noticed the Hills stretched out on the floor and thought that they had died. Mr. Brown ran home, got his accordion, returned, and began playing a song out of respect for the "dead." At the sound of the accordion, the Hills woke up and stared with amazement at Mr. Brown, who was now running down the block, shouting and jumping for joy. "What on earth are you yelling about?" Mrs. Brown called from her kitchen window. Mr. Brown called back, "The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

As the plane was flying low over hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?"
"Just snow," replied the stewardess.
"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."

Having lived all her life in the hills, grandma decided it was time to venture out and visit the town for the first time.
When she checked in at the hotel, the bellboy took her bags and she followed him into a small room, where the doors closed automatically behind them.
Grandma looked around and began shaking her fist at the bellboy. "Listen here, young man, I may be old and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid. I paid good money and this room won't do. It's too small and there's no venitilation. Goodness me, there isn't even any furniture, not even a bed!"
"Relax, ma'am," replied the bellhop, "this isn't your room. This is the elevator!"