Handicapped Jokes / Recent Jokes
"What is a handicapped golfer?"
"One who plays with his boss," came the reply.
What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- "Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too." Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly." Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person? Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel." Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go more...
What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You can park in a handicapped zone.
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why more...
Genetically discriminating - racistGeological correction - earthquakeGerontologically advanced - oldGovernment employee - stupidGrammatically challenged - one who has difficulties with grammar or (by extension) punctuation or spellingGravitationally challenged - fatHorizontally challenged - thinHorizontally gifted - fatIn denial - unaware that forgetting something obviously proves it happened in recovery - drunk/junkieIntellectually impaired - stupidLaw enforcement officer - policemanLiving impaired - deadMaintenance hole - man-holeMale gender biased - prefers men who shave their chestsMechanically challenged - broken down automobileMelanin-impoverished - whiteMetabolically challenged - deadMicroslothically challenged - windows userMonetarily challenged - poorMorally (ethically) challenged - a crookMorally handicapped - someone who has no other reason to park in a handicapped zoneMotivationally dispossessed - lazyMusically delayed - tone deafNasally disadvantaged - really big more...
(Long)
It was the funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me. A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night, which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining them. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.
We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening. I tell you-in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, more...