Halve Jokes

I halve a spelling checker, It came with my pea see. It plainly marks four my revue Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait aweigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the era rite Its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it, And I'm shore your pleased too no Its letter prefect in every weigh; My checker tolled me sew.

A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area was transferred to a school in Bombay. He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the assembly on Independence Day. Here`s his dynamite speech:
Leddies and Gentulmens,
Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech. If small small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon. Stickly
speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason. Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on station master. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed her for long time and
at last with great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the station master because he was responsible
for getting birth of my son.
We got independent because of great leaders linke Gandhiji who get-outted all more...

Spell CheckerI halve a spelling checker,It came with my pea see.It plainly marks four my revueMistakes I dew knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a wordAnd weight four it two sayWeather eye am wrong oar writeIt shows me strait aweigh. As soon as a mist ache is maidIt nose bee fore two longAnd eye can put the era riteIts rarely ever wrong. I`ve scent this massage threw it,And I`m shore your pleased too noIts letter prefect in every weigh;My checker tolled me sew.

Eye Halve a Spelling ChequerEye halve a spelling chequerIt came with my pea seaIt plainly marques four my revueMiss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a wordAnd weight four it two sayWeather eye am wrong oar writeIt shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maidIt nose bee fore two longAnd eye can put the error riteIts rarely ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw itI am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect in it's weighMy chequer tolled me sew.-- Sauce unknown

Eye Halve a Spelling Chequer

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it`s weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

-- Sauce unknown