Hallmark Jokes / Recent Jokes
Rejected Hallmark Cards:
So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.
My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.
You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I had mine I got real snippy.
Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
Your computer is dead... it was once so alive Don't you regret installing Windows 95?
You totalled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry?
Hallmark Card: "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
Rejected Hallmark Cards:So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I had mine I got real snippy.Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.Your computer is dead... it was once so alive Don't you regret installing Windows 95? You totalled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry?
Hallmark Card: "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.... so we're having you put to sleep."
Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark
"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you."
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
"As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before more...
REJECTED HALLMARK CARDS
1. So your Daughters a hooker and it spoiled your day... look on the bright side, she's a really good lay.
2. My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.
3. You had your Bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of depends.
4. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I felt real snippy.
5. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
6. You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry
Hallmark Card: "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."