Hallmark Jokes / Recent Jokes
Rejected Hallmark Cards: So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really good lay. My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends. You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy!' Cause when I had mine I got real snippy. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me. Your computer is dead... it was once so alive Don't you regret installing Windows 95? You totalled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry?
I wish that Hallmark would make a card that says, "Sorry, what was your name again?"
Greeting cards are getting expensive, so why not design your very own Hallmark Moment with some these sayings:"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind." "I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you." "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?" "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister." "As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy...""Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!""Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!""Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again." "Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle more...
Hallmark Card: "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the hell was I thinking?"
Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
Cards That You Won't Find At Hallmark -
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life! I never knew what evil was before this!"
"Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get more...