Guru Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Beatle's Computer Parody

Eleanor Rigby
-------------
Eleanor Rigby
Sits at the keyboard
And waits for a line on the screen
Lives in a dream
Waits for a signal
Finding some code
That will make the machine do some more.
What is it for?

All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

Guru Mackenzie
Typing the lines of a program that no one will run;
Isn't it fun?
Look at him working,
Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile;
It takes a while...

All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

Eleanor Rigby
Crashes the system and loses 6 hours of work;
Feels like a jerk.
Guru MacKenzie
Wiping the crumbs off the keys as he types in the code;
Nothing will load.

All the lonely users, where do they all come more...

Guru bRUMa guru WHISKY
guru VODKA GINNeshwara
guru SCOTCHhat parabBRANDY
TASMACshree BEERe namahaa….

A market guru walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza.
When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter to get it.
There a clerk asks him:
"Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?"
The guru replies: "I'm feeling rather hungry right now. You'd better cut it into eight pieces."

The trip
Sarah, a middle aged Jewish woman goes in search of a famous guru. She takes a plane to India and then a boat up a river, and then hikes into the mountains with local guides. All in all it takes Sarah months of hardship to track down this guru. When she finds him, he is in the middle of some kind of ritual, which will last for days and the guru`s followers won`t let Sarah see him. Finally the guru is ready to receive visitors and calls for the woman to be admitted. Sarah stands before the famous guru. "Harvey," she says. "It`s time to come home!"

Goldie Cohen, an elderly Jewish lady from New York, goes to her travel agent. "I vont to go to India."
"Mrs. Cohen, why India? It's filthy, much hotter than New York, it's filled to the brim with Indians."
"I vont to go to India."
"But it's a long journey, and those trains, how will you manage? What will you eat? The food is too hot and spicy for you. You can't drink the water. You must not eat fresh fruit and vegetables. You'll get sick: the plague, hepatitis, cholera, typhoid, malaria, G-d only knows. What will you do? Can you imagine the hospital, no Jewish doctors? Why torture yourself?"
"I vont to go to India."
The necessary arrangements are made, and off she goes. She arrives in India and, undeterred by the noise, smell and crowds, makes her way to an ashram. There she joins the seemingly never-ending queue of people waiting for an audience with the guru. An aide tells her that it will take at least three days more...

Santa had a childhood dream of getting rich. So he starts to search for such possibilities. He soon finds a fool proof plan....

The next day at the gurudwara he spends 15 days praying " wahe guru lottery lagwa do" this he does religiously every day.

Weeks pass by..... santa singh still doesn't win a lottery. .... So he decides that this would be his last request from wahe guru.... he again prays to lord...." wahe guru lottery lagwa de ". ... this time the lord replies in a really pissed of tone...." abey khotya... pehle lottery ka ticket to khareed"

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. "No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven.""You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."