Felon Jokes

"Convicted felon Martha Stewart met with her probation officer yesterday. She even had to give a urine sample, in which she tested positive for nutmeg." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Martha Stewart published her recipe for disaster -- mix one part arrogance with two parts incompetence, simmer in the juices and then serve hot in the can." -Jay Leno
"Tough times for Martha Stewart. Yesterday, Martha Stewart reported to her parole officer and had to take a mandatory urine test for cocaine and marijuana. Martha was found to be drug-free and her urine was found to be a lovely yellow saffron." -Conan O'Brien
"Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress." -Craig Kilborn
"Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year." -Jay Leno
"Earlier today, the jury at the Martha Stewart trial reached a verdict. more...

A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o''clock news.
Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.
Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell. His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago."