Bigger Jokes

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    Life's Values

    Hot 2 years ago

    An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
    The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
    The Mexican replied that it took only a little while.
    The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
    The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time?
    The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senior."
    The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds more...

    Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across an old mine shaft going straight down into the ground."Wow," said the first guy. "I wonder how deep it is?""I dunno," said the second. "Let's find out." With that, he dropped a rock down the hole. They waitedand waited, but didn't hear it hit bottom."Hmm. Let's try a bigger rock," said the first guy, and tossed a watermelon-sized stone down the hole. They waited a couple of minutes, but didn't hear it hit either. So, they looked around for something bigger to throw down and came across an old railroad tie, which they lifted together and dumped down the hole. Then suddenly, as they waited to hear it hit, a goat streaked between the two of them and jumped straight down the mineshaft.While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement, a third guy came up the path and asked them if they'd seen a goat."Yeah, just now," said one of the first two guys. "It just more...

    Penis Shape Research

    Hot 6 years ago

    After much discussion the scientific community decided to try to determine why the human penis was shaped the way it was. MIT allocated a budget of $200, 000 and after 2 years research decided the the head of the penis was bigger than the shaft so that during intercourse a better seal was maintained and thus preventing leakage and ensuring fertilization. Johns Hopkins Medical Center allocated a budget of $500, 000 and after 5 years research decided that the head was bigger than the shaft in order to provide more stimulation, ensure ejaculation and thus allow for impregnation. The fellows over at the University of Hawaii spent $2. 50, bought a copy of the latest Victoria's Secret catalog and reached the conclusion that the head is bigger to prevent your hand from slipping off!

    Pilot Wisdom

    Hot 7 years ago

    1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
    2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
    3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
    4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
    5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
    6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. Because when it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
    7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
    8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
    9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
    10. You know you've landed more...

    A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders ahamburger.The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it inhis bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill.The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've everseen!"The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in themorning when he makes the doughnuts!"and orders ahamburger.The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it inhis bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill.The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've everseen!"The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in themorning when he makes the doughnuts!"

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