Eastern Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39)
    Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)
    Jesus is the Lord's shepherd.
    Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
    Jesus was part of the Trinity.
    Elvis' first band was a trio.
    Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
    Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)
    Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
    Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
    Jesus was resurrected.
    Elvis had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
    Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John 7:37)
    Elvis said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)
    Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights.
    Elvis had irregular eating habits. (e.g. 5 banana splits for breakfast)
    Jesus is a Capricorn. (December 25)
    Elvis is a Capricorn. (January 8)
    Matthew was one of Jesus' many biographers. (The Gospel According to Matthew)
    Neil Matthews more...

    A rooster lays an egg on the roof of a barn. Each side of the roof has a 90 degree angle and windspeed is approxiamately 15 mph blowing in an eastern direction. The egg is layed at the front part of the roof, which has been caved in due to weather. Because of that part of the roof being caved in, it has a slight 45 degree angle to it, which is more than the rest of the roof. So, which side of the roof will the egg roll off of, the one with the eastern exposure, or the one with the western exposure?
    Answer: Roosters don't lay eggs. Ha ha!

    Fly the Friendly Skies in your Cessna And who says our controllers don't have a sense of humor?
    November 22, 1996 - Any More Complaints? The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 (do a complete circle, usually done to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?" Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."
    November 15, 1996 - What the...?! PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first." The tower promptly cleared PSA fortakeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.
    November 8, 1996 - Which Exit Did You Say That Was? A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with his approach speed just a little too more...

    Is There a Santa Claus? A Rebuttal...
    Rebuttal: Several key points are overlooked by this callous, amateurish ''study.''
    Flying reindeer: As is widely known due to the excellent historical documentary ''Santa Claus is Coming to Town,'' the flying reindeer are not a previously unknown species of reindeer, but were in fact given the power of flight due to eating magic acorns. As is conclusively proven in ''Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'' (a no-punches- pulled look at life in Santa's village), this ability has bred true in subsequent generations of reindeer-obviously the magic acorns imprinted their power on a dominant gene sequence within the reindeer DNA strand.
    Number of households: This figure overlooks two key facts. First of all, the first major schism in the Church split the Eastern Churches, centered in Byzantium, from the Western, which remained centered in Rome. This occurred prior to the Gregorian correction to the Julian calendar. The Eastern churches (currently more...

    There are two solutions to the problem in Eastern Europe, the practical solution and the miraculous solution.
    The practical solution is that the Virgin Mary and the Archangels Gabriel and Michael would come down and set things straight. That is the practical solution.
    The miraculous solution is the Eastern European's would learn to compromise.

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