Takeoff Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Fly the Friendly Skies in your Cessna And who says our controllers don't have a sense of humor?
    November 22, 1996 - Any More Complaints? The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 (do a complete circle, usually done to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?" Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."
    November 15, 1996 - What the...?! PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first." The tower promptly cleared PSA fortakeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.
    November 8, 1996 - Which Exit Did You Say That Was? A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with his approach speed just a little too more...

    Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7... did you copy the report from Eastern?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff... and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

    With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus's sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve.
    The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and it is also okay. Then he says, "Santa, lets take it up for a check ride and if everything looks good I'll certify you to fly."
    Santa hitches the reindeer up and taxis onto the runway and just as he's starting his takeoff roll he looks over and notices the inspector has a pump shotgun on his lap. "Hey! Whats the shotgun for!?" Santa yells.
    The inspector says, "Well, Santa, I'm really not supposed to tell you this, but there is going to be an engine failure on takeoff."

    All of the following are said to be true stories.. . -- you decide! --

    The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 (do a complete circle, usually done to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained,' Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?' Without missing a beat the controller replied,' Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth.'

    PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said' Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first.' The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.

    A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high... San Jose Tower:' American 751 Heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the more...

    All believable, but un-verrified at this time.

    22 November 1996 -- Any More Complaints? The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained,' Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?' Without missing a beat the controller replied,' Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!'

    15 November 1996 -- What the...?! PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said' Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first'. The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation!

    8 November 1996 -- Which Exit Did You Say That Was? A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing roll out after landing with his Approach speed just a little too high. San Jose Tower:' American 751 Heavy, more...

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