1996 Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The year is 1996. By this time, the American Government's policy of
    Social Welfare has been extended to require that any married couple who
    has not had a child within the first five years of marriage, must
    receive the services of a government man who will attempt to be the means
    of the wife becoming a mother.
    There are no children in the family of this particular story: much to the
    sorrow of the husband, and it is the morning of their fifth wedding
    anniversary.
    Husband - Well, goodbye, dear, I'm off to the office. I suppose the
    government man will be here shortly, computer-printed address and all.
    He leaves with his head bowed. The wife pretties herself and powders her
    nose just as the doorbell rings. She is expecting the government man, but
    instead her caller is a baby photographer who has come to see if he could
    interest her in some baby pictures. The following conversation ensues:
    Lady: Oh, Good Morning.
    Man: How do you more...

    Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."
    New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes
    first."
    And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."
    Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
    Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too
    damn ugly to kiss goodbye."
    Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it more...

    Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."
    New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
    And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."
    Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
    Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye."
    Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
    Clemson more...

    Famous Sports Quotes.
    Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."
    New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
    And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."
    Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
    Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye."
    Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it more...

    Fly the Friendly Skies in your Cessna And who says our controllers don't have a sense of humor?
    November 22, 1996 - Any More Complaints? The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 (do a complete circle, usually done to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?" Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."
    November 15, 1996 - What the...?! PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first." The tower promptly cleared PSA fortakeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.
    November 8, 1996 - Which Exit Did You Say That Was? A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with his approach speed just a little too more...

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