Capricorn Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39)
    Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)
    Jesus is the Lord's shepherd.
    Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
    Jesus was part of the Trinity.
    Elvis' first band was a trio.
    Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
    Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)
    Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
    Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
    Jesus was resurrected.
    Elvis had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
    Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John 7:37)
    Elvis said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)
    Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights.
    Elvis had irregular eating habits. (e.g. 5 banana splits for breakfast)
    Jesus is a Capricorn. (December 25)
    Elvis is a Capricorn. (January 8)
    Matthew was one of Jesus' many biographers. (The Gospel According to Matthew)
    Neil Matthews more...

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    ARIES
    You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are not very nice.
    TAURUS
    You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. Taurus people have BO.
    GEMINI
    You are a quick and intellectual thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap.
    CANCER
    You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most Welfare recipients are Cancer people.
    LEO
    You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves.
    VIRGO
    You are the logical type and more...

    Elvis vs. Jesus
    Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22: 39)
    Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)
    Jesus is the Lords's shepherd.
    Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
    Jesus was part of the Trinity.
    Elvis' first band was a trio.
    Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14: 25)
    Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)
    Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
    Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
    Jesus was resurrected.
    Elvis had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
    Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink."(John 7: 37)
    Elvis said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)
    Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights.
    Elvis had irregular eating habits. (e. g. 5 banana splits for breakfast)
    Jesus is a Capricorn. (December 25)
    Elvis is a Capricorn. (January 8)
    Matthew was one of Jesus' many biographers. (The more...

    Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick. Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit. Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist. Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you more...

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