Dry Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager:
    - "Got any fresh fruit?"
    - "No."
    - "Got any fresh vegetables?"
    - "No. We have only canned and dry goods."
    The next day, the duck returns:
    - "Got any fresh fruit?"
    - "No."
    - "Got any fresh vegetables?"
    - "No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor."
    On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks:
    - "Got any nails?"
    - "No."
    - "Got any fresh fruit?"

    Amazing Facts

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    * The term "bank teller" originated in the wake of the 1929 stock market crash, when banks began hiring low-paid workers to "tell" throngs of frantic depositors that their money was gone.

    * Scandinavian berserkers used to cut out their eyes before battle to spare themselves the sight of the carnage they invariably wrought.

    * The city of Slaughter, Texas (population: 11, 284), has never had a homicide occur within its boundaries.

    * Rubbing Tabasco on one's upper lip before bedtime is an effective temporary cure for sleep apnea.

    * British pop singer Baby Spice is the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Archduke William Pinkley-Hogue of Standishfordshire, making her 103rd in line for the throne of England.

    * Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.

    * When in heat, female hippopotami secrete an oil with a flavor similar to strawberries. Kalahari bushmen use the oil to make flat-bread more...

    Last month I heard an item on the radio about a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving, which costs a mere $23, 000. That got me to thinking about what Martha Stewart really gives for Christmas presents? So, here it is, ladies and gentlemen:
    On the first day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
    a baked partridge in some pear sauce.
    On the second day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
    two English plum puddings
    and a partridge in some pear sauce.
    On the third day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
    three French chocolates
    two English plum puddings
    and a partridge in some pear sauce.
    On the fourth of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
    four Baked Alaskas
    three French chocolates
    two English plum puddings
    and a partridge in some pear sauce.
    On the fifth day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
    five cups of herbal tea,
    four Baked Alaskas
    three French chocolates
    two English plum more...

    Sung to the tune of "American Pie" A long, long week ago I can still remember how the market used to make me smile What I'd do when I had the chance Is get myself a cash advance And add another tech stock to the pile. But Alan Greenspan made me shiver With every speech that he delivered Bad news on the rate front Still I'd take one more punt I can't remember if I cried When I heard about the CPI I lost my fortune and my pride The day that NASDAQ died So bye-bye to my piece of the pie Now I'm gettin' calls for margin' Cause my cash account's dry It's just two weeks from a new all-time high And now we're right back where we were in July We're right back where we were in July Did you buy stocks you never heard of? QCOM at 150 or above?' Cos George Gilder told you so Now do you believe in Home Depot? Can Wal-Mart save your portfolio? And can you teach me what's a P/E ratio? Well, I know that you were leveraged too So you can't just take a long-term view Your broker shut you down more...

    How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself? With a hare dryer!

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