You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash. The barman says,
Bloke is drinking at a pub and after a few rounds goes to leave, explaining to the barman he has to go home to do a shit. "Don't be stupid," says the barman, "We've got a perfectly good toilet here!" "Yes," explains the drinker, "but I take salts.""So what??!! That doesn't matter - you can still use the toilet here!"The drinker reluctantly agrees and heads for the toilet. After a few moments there is loud banging and the bloke emerges, followed by a foul smell. The barman races into the toilet where he sees crap all over the ceiling and walls. He races back into the bar. "What the hell went on in there?!" he demands."I told you," explained the drinker."No, you said that you take salts!" yelled the barman."That's right," the drinker shrugs, "somersaults."
The following is a letter I sent to Miller Brewing Company earlier this month. I still haven't received a response...
Miller Brewing Company
Milwaukee, Wisconsin 53201
Dear Sir or Madam,
I have been a drinker of Miller beer's for many years (actually, ever since that other company donated a big chunk of change to Handgun Control Inc. back in the mid 80's). Initially, my beer of choice was Lite, but some time in mid 1990 while in Honduras I switched to MGD smuggled up from Panama. Now, for nearly six years, I have been a faithful drinker of MGD.
For these past years, I have come to expect certain things from Genuine Draft. I expect that whenever I see that gold can of MGD, I am about ready to enjoy a great, smooth brew.
But wait! Sometime around the first of the year, my beloved MGD changed colors, so to speak. That familiar gold can was no longer gold! Knowing that I am, by nature, somewhat resistant to change, I forced myself to reserve judgment on the new can more...
There were three friends, one a smoker, one a gay and the other a drinker. They felt ill and went to the Doctor but the doctor told them they will die on their next plague in any of the above activities.
They went out on day and the drinker said he cant stay away from drinking so he just dashed to a drinking bar and did good to himself after which he died.
The smoker and the gay were taking a stroll and the smoker saw a piece of cigarrete on the ground and tried bending to pick it up.
Gay: 'Hey Hey Hey, Dont Bend else we will all Die'