Drinker Jokes

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    The Shit List

    Hot 4 years ago

    THE GHOST SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

    THE CLEAN SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

    THE WET SHIT You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

    THE SECOND WAVE SHIT This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

    THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT Also known as' Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit'. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

    THE CORN SHIT No explanation necessary.

    THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into more...

    You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
    On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
    Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"

    Bloke is drinking at a pub and after a few rounds goes to leave, explaining to the barman he has to go home to do a shit. "Don't be stupid," says the barman, "We've got a perfectly good toilet here!" "Yes," explains the drinker, "but I take salts.""So what??!! That doesn't matter - you can still use the toilet here!"The drinker reluctantly agrees and heads for the toilet. After a few moments there is loud banging and the bloke emerges, followed by a foul smell. The barman races into the toilet where he sees crap all over the ceiling and walls. He races back into the bar. "What the hell went on in there?!" he demands."I told you," explained the drinker."No, you said that you take salts!" yelled the barman."That's right," the drinker shrugs, "somersaults."

    There were three friends, one a smoker, one a gay and the other a drinker. They felt ill and went to the Doctor but the doctor told them they will die on their next plague in any of the above activities.
    They went out on day and the drinker said he cant stay away from drinking so he just dashed to a drinking bar and did good to himself after which he died.
    The smoker and the gay were taking a stroll and the smoker saw a piece of cigarrete on the ground and tried bending to pick it up.
    Gay: 'Hey Hey Hey, Dont Bend else we will all Die'

    Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
    The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."
    1st Man: "No it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
    The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."
    1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again more...

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