Downtown Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this $20 dollar bill and a $1 dollar bill on the conveyor belt at the downtown Federal Reserve Building. As they were laying there side by side the $1 dollar bill said to the $20 dollar bill, "Hey mannnnnn, where have you been. I haven't seen you in a long time? "

The $20 dollar bill replied, "Man I have been having a ball!! I been traveling to distant countries, going to the finest restaurants, to the biggest and best casinos, numerous boutiques, the mall uptown, the mall downtown, the mall across town and even a mall that I just newly built. In fact, just this week I've been to Europe, a professional NBA game, Rodeo Drive, the all day retreat spa,, the top-notch hair salon and the new casino!! I have done it all!!! "

After describing his great travels, the $20 dollar bill asked the $1 dollar bill, " What about you? Where have you been?" The $1 dollar replied, "Well, I've been to the Baptist church, the Methodist more...

Working people frequently ask retired people what we do to make our days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day I went downtown to go to the News Stand for the Wall Street Journal so I could track my investments.
I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I said to him, Come on, man, don't you have anything better to do than write a retired person a ticket?
Why aren't you out chasing crooks or child molesters... that's out of your league, obviously!!!
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
I called him a' Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him' Barney Fife'. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't care....

I came downtown on the more...

I was driving through downtown San Antonio with my boss when we passed a
sign reading "Museum of Texas Culture."
"Huh. That ought to take about ten minutes to see,' I scoffed.
Without missing a beat my boss replied, "Why in God's name would you want
to go through twice?"

During a big fire downtown the firemen were having a bit of trouble. A woman was stuck on the fourth floor with her baby. The fire fighters instructed her to toss the child out the window, under which they had placed a net, but the mother refused. Things looked grim until a tall, well-built black man burst through the crowd and shouted to the women. He said that he was a professional football player and that he could catch the baby safely. After a few minutes more of reassurances by the man, the mother finally let the child drop. The football player made a breathtaking catch, and everybody cheered. At that moment the man suddenly raised the child high in the air, spiked it on the ground and yelled, "TOUCHDOWN!!"