Deputy Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The New Deputy

    Hot 7 years ago

    The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer, who was not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, went in to try out for the job.
    "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
    "11" he replied.
    The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but, in one way, he's right."
    "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
    "Today and tomorrow."
    He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
    "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
    Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
    "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
    So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First more...

    Getting a new deputy

    Hot 6 years ago

    The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job."Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?""11" he replied.The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right.""What two days of the weekstart with the letter 'T'?""Today and tomorrow."He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself."Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know.""Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant."It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

    It Could Have Been Worse

    Hot 4 years ago

    There was an old country sheriff who always said, "It could have been worse." No matter what happened, the old sheriff always had the same answer: "It could have been worse."

    One day, two deputies in the sheriff's office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death. When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.

    "No doubt about it," one deputy said to the other. "This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."

    "You're right," the other deputy replied. "Double murder and suicide. But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going to say "it could have been worse."

    "No way. How could it be worse? There are three people in the more...

    Hierarchy

    Hot 7 years ago

    From: General Manager
    To: Departmental Heads
    ''On Friday evening at 5 p.m., Halley's Comet will be visible in this area—an event which occurs only once every 76 years. Please have the employees assemble in the park area outside the building and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the employees in the canteen and I will show them a film of it.''
    ===========================================
    From: Departmental Heads
    To: Deputy Departmental Heads
    ''By order of the General Manager on Friday at 5p.m., Halley's Comet will appear above the area outside the building. If it rains, please assemble the employees and proceed to the canteen, where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only every 76 years''
    ===========================================
    From: Deputy Departmental Heads
    To: Superintendent
    ''By the order of the General Manager, at 5 p.m. on Friday, the more...

    A County Deputy pulled a car over on Hwy US 41 about 2 miles north of the Wis / Mich state line When the Deputy asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Green Bay to do a show that night at the Oneida Casino, where he had a gig and didn't want to be late. The deputy told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The driver told the deputy that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The deputy told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his squad car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the deputy got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler. While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the squad car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the squad car, opened the rear door more...

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