Delay Jokes / Recent Jokes
Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: more...
My favourite two campus practical jokes:
1. Arrange the light switches in a lavatory and an adjacent room so that
flipping one switch also flips the other. Consider the resultant scene
(visible from the outside just by watching the windows): the room's resident
retires for the evening, turning off his (or her) light. Some time later,
someone else decides to use the head, and turns on the light. After a few
minutes, the resident awakes, decides that someone is pulling a fast one,
and turns the light off... on the guy (or girl) who is by now seated on
the throne! If it works correctly, the two unfortunates end up standing
at their respective light switches, with the lights oscillating rapidly
(by which time the perpetrators are rolling on the ground outside laughing
their heads off).
2. This prank happened a number of years ago. Two guys had been pulling
practical jokes on each other for quite a while. Finally, one of them got
a more...
I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in thirty minutes.Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs. Would you take him for me please?"Now picture this. All the people in the gate area came to a completely more...
I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked.
Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in 30 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight.
I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"
Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs."
Picture this All the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when more...