Deep Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two Boys Were Travelling In A Bus, And Were Sitting Next To Each Other.
One Boy Exclaimed: "Did You Knew? Deep Breathing Kills The Germs!"
The Other Kid: "But How Can We Make The Germs Take A Deep Breathe?"
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips move
Q: What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
A: Your honour.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they are all nice guys
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of crap?
A: a bucket
Q: What is the difference between God and a lawyer?
A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
Q: What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
Q: What do lawyers use as more...
Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the' Bible Belt,'there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. Onemorning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends Ihave been hearing very nasty rumors!"The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued,"One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member ofthe dreaded' Klu Klux Klan.' This, of course, is not true! I amasking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right here- before my flock of loyal followers."A young woman quickly stood up blushing and trembling and pled,"Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be. I justmentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard underthe sheets."
The counter man in the ice cream shop saw a customer leaving the drug store across the way, heading for his shop. The customer entered, set a small Thermos container on the counter, and unwrapped a condom.
“Here, take this condom. Drop a scoop of ice cream in it. ”
The counter man did so, and handed the condom, with its ice cream content, to the customer. The customer placed the arrangement in the Thermos jug, and capped the jug.
“What, ” asked the ice cream purveyor, “Is the reason for that? ”
“For three months, my wife has been bugging me for a deep freeze. Tonight, by golly, I’m going to give it to her! ”
Who is Jack Schitt you ask? The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says " you don't know jack schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' wishes, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout more...
A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG!
So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins.
The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO!
Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino.
The deep voice says: ROULETTE!
So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief.
The deep voice says: 27!
He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly bursts. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the more...
Q: Why are they putting the accountants at the bottom of the ocean?
A: They found out that deep down they're really not so bad.