Crystal Jokes / Recent Jokes

When traveling to the moon one day, astronauts discovered
amazing moon crystals. they took all they could find and, when
they got back, they shipped some moon crystals to all major
colleges around... except for Texas A&M. "Hey! We're a major
college! Give us some!" TAMU bitched. After thinking long and
hard the astronauts had a plan. "Well, we can't waste any of this
precious crystal" replied the lead astronaut," and Texas A&M is so
stupid they couldn't tell a moon crystal from a pile of cow shit" So
the astronauts gave Texas A&M a big pile of cow shit. 3 Weeks
later, on CNBC, all major colleges reported their discoveries of the
crystals. When Texas A&M came up they said" We now have
scientific proof that the cow did indeed jump over the moon."

Senator Hillary Clinton snuck off to visit a fortuneteller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die aviolent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at thewoman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortuneteller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
"Will I be acquitted?"

Rich is trying to sell a computerized crystal ball he's recently invented to a marketing executive, but the executive is very skeptical.

Rich says,' Go ahead and type a question into the crystal ball.'

The executive types,' Where is my father?'

The crystal ball answers,' Your father is fishing in Michigan.'

The executive says to Rich,' I knew this was bullshit. My father's been dead for twenty years.' The inventor says,' Ask the question in a different way.'

The executive types in,' Where is my mother's husband?'

The computer answers,' Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout.'

Aaron Thetires (Air in the Tires)
Abe Rudder (Hey Brother)
Abbie Birthday (Happy Birthday)
Abel N. Willan (Able and Willing)
Achilles Punks (I'll Kill These Punks)
Adam Bomb (Atom Bomb)
Adam Meway (Out of My Way)
Adam Sapple (Adam's Apple)
Adolf Oliver Nippils (Ate Off All Of Her Nipples)
Al B. Zienya (I'll Be Seeing You)
Al DePantzeu (I'll De-Pants You)
Al Gore-Rythim (Algorithym)
Al Kaholic (Alcoholic)
Al Kaseltzer (Alkaseltzer)
Al Kickurass (I'll Kick Your Ass)
Al Killeu (I'll Kill You)
Al Luminum (Aluminum)
Al Nino (El Nino)
Al O'Moaney (Alimony)
Alpha Kenny Wun (I'll Fuck Anyone)
Alec Tricity (Electricity)
Alex Blaine Layder (I'll Explain Later)
Alf Abet (Alphabet)
Ali Gator (Ali Gator)
Allota Fagina (A lot of vagina)
Amanda B. Recandwithe (A Man to Be Reckoned With)
Amanda Lay (A Man To Lay)
Amanda Hugnkiss (A Man to Hug and Kiss)
Andy more...

Little Johnny's mother was sitting outside on the porch swing, relaxing, when he came running out to her. "Mom, remember that expensive, crystal vase you always worried I would knock over and break?"
"Yes, dear, what about it?" his mother asked.
"Well, Mom, your worries are over!" Johnny replied.