Criticize Jokes / Recent Jokes

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.A closed mouth gathers no foot.I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.A dropped wrench will always end up exactly 1/2 inch beyond your reach.

WOMEN'S GUIDE TO DRIVING MEN CRAZY
1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.
2. Be ambiguous. Always.
3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.
4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or decades ago...
5. Make them apologize for everything.
6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.
7. Cry
8. Play Alanis Morissette's 'You Oughta Know,' loud. Look at them. Smile.
9. Look them in the eye and start laughing.
10. Cry.
11. Get mad at them for everything.
12. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.
13. Hold grudges.
14. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply..
15. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.
16. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his 'little princess.'
17. Be late for more...

100, 000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42. 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real more...

50 Things Women Would Do To Drive Men Crazy...1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.2. Be ambiguous. Always.3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought months or years ago.5. Make them apologize for everything.6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.7. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks.8. Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know," loud. Look at them Smile.9. Look them in the eye and start laughing.10. Cry.11. Get mad at them for everything.12. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.13. Hold grudges.14. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply.15. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.16. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his "little princess."17. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.18. more...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just #$%^ off and leave me alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 5. No one is listening until you make a mistake. 6. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. 7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. 9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. 10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have more...

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
No one is listening until you fart.
Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first more...

50 Things Women Would Do To Drive Men Crazy...
1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.
2. Be ambiguous. Always.
3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.
4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought months or years ago.
5. Make them apologize for everything.
6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.
7. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks.
8. Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know," loud. Look at them Smile.
9. Look them in the eye and start laughing.
10. Cry.
11. Get mad at them for everything.
12. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.
13. Hold grudges.
14. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply.
15. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.
16. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his more...