Criticize Jokes / Recent Jokes

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Don't criticize your wife...if she were perfect, she would have married much better than you.

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. more...

50 Things Women Would Do To Drive Men Crazy... 1. Do not say what you mean. Ever. 2. Be ambiguous. Always. 3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault. 4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought months or years ago. 5. Make them apologize for everything. 6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them. 7. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks. 8. Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know," loud. Look at them Smile. 9. Look them in the eye and start laughing. 10. Cry. 11. Get mad at them for everything. 12. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm. 13. Hold grudges. 14. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply. 15. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value. 16. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his "little princess." 17. Be late for everything. Yell if more...

Thoughts from a school teacher: 1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away and you have his shoes. 2. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station... 3. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions. 4. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?" 5. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 6. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? 7. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans. 8. I have found at my age, going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face. 9. I was thinking about how people read the Bible a whole lot more when they get older. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals. 10. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of emergency. I think you more...