Complicated Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Part 4 - (Opearting Systems)
    What kind of operating system is used by a Real Programmer? CP/M? God forbid - CP/M after all, is basically
    a toy operating system. Even little old ladies and grade school students can understand and use CP/M.
    Unix is a lot more complicated of course - the typical Unix hacker never can remember what the PRINT
    command is called this week - but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game. People don't
    do Serious Work on Unix systems; they send jokes around the world on UUCP-net and write adventure games
    and research papers.
    No, your Real Programmer uses OS/370. A good programmer can find and understand the description of
    IJK305I error (s)he just got in h(er)is JCL manual. A great programmer can write JCL without referring to
    the manual at all. A truly outstanding programmer can find bugs burried in a 6 megabyte core dump without
    using a hex calculator. (I have more...

    10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in 'Deliverance.'
    9. There's a slight difference in our ages. Translation: I don't want to do my dad.
    8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. Translation: You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.
    7. My life is too complicated right now. Translation: I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.
    6. I've got a boyfriend. Translation: I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.
    5. I don't date men where I work. Translation: I wouldn't date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building.
    4. It's not you, it's me. Translation: It's you.
    3. I'm concentrating on my career. Translation: Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.
    2. I'm celibate. Translation: I've sworn off only the men like you.
    1. Let's be friends. more...

    As an architect watched a mechanic remove engine parts from his car, a surgeon, waiting for his own car to be repaired, walked over. They introduced themselves, and began talking about their lines of work.
    "You know," said the architect, "I sometimes believe a mechanic's work is as complicated as the work that we do."
    "Perhaps," the surgeon commented. "But let's see him do it with the engine running."

    I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.

    I'm not against Avril Lavigne or anything, I like her, but I heard this, and it was pretty funny. This is the changed lyric to the chorus of Complicated:
    "Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated?
    You see the way I'm scrunching up my pitiful face when I'm on the toilet,
    And during this I -
    I push, and I strain, and I sweat, and I pray, Dear Lord, that you'll let it come out;
    Sooner or later I'll have to leave the bathroom,
    Yeah, yeah, yeah..."

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