Commercial Jokes / Recent Jokes

Commercial: Do Seagulls Circle your house? Does your boyfriend sing " The shrimp boats are coming"? Do you make people vomit in the elevator? Try FDS! Feminnine hygene spray! two squirts will' twinkle your twat'

Time-Life has been running a commercial recently hawking its book series Mysteries of the Unknown. At one point in this commercial the narrator describes an event at Stonehenge where a person' was grabbed by a terrifying unseen force and held suspended in the air.'

I don't know about you, but where I'm from, this is better known as a' wedgie.'

My fellow Armenians,
As I stand here today, looking out over this magnificent viagra, I
think we can agree that the past is over. Our country is ready for a
fresh, bipolar approach.
I want to bring America together. We are the hill shining on a city,
and each of us can get to the top if we set our feet to it Americans
have made their decision. They don't need sympathy; they need
ablutions. We need to move beyond the petty armadilloes.
Politics doesn't have to be the way it is today. We can make the pie
higher. A high pie lets everyone put food on their family and their
family on the table.
That's my record: I side with the people. And the B-side of my record
is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing "Streets in Laredo".
(Music break)
A president has to think not only of himself and his family and his
baseball team's families, but of all American families. I don't
believe a president should be choosing more...

As the Christmas season draws nigh, foretelling the end of over a full month of Commercial Christmas, there is a special urgency in the spirits of children as they visit toy stores and toy departments all over the country.
It was with particular urgency that little Wilbert dragged his mother to the toy department in a big Los Angeles department store. Mother quickly steered Wilbert into the line of children waiting to talk to Santa, but Wilbert was far more interested in the hobby horse.
As soon as his mother relaxed her vigilance for a moment, Wilbert vanished from the Santa Queue and began rocking back and forth on the hobby horse. His mother noticed his absence, and after a quick, frantic search, spotted him on the horse. She let him rock for a few minutes, then told him it was time to get off. Wilbert ignored her. She began to beg; Wilbert paid no attention. She began to make promises of sugarplums, etc., if only Wilbert would get off the hobby horse. He stuck his nasty more...

I tried to get stills from the Yaz brand birth control commercial to help properly describe it, but I couldn't find any. You have to see it, it's unbelievable.
First of all, "Yaz" has to be the skeeviest sounding brand name ever concieved by man. Why not just call it "Skank?"
Secondly, the commercial does this weird thing that drug commercials do lately, where they try to slip the side effect disclaimer into a casual dialogue between friends. It's completely fucking creepy.
So the commercial depicts some blond club sluts that look like they were pulled off Ardie Fuqua's MySpace list. (Look up Ardie Fuqua on MySpace to get that joke! It's a doozy!) The gals are sitting around drinking cosmos and talking (probably about black cock) when one of them brings up Yaz, the 24-hour birth control pill. She quotes several studies to her friends and then gives them a laundry list of side effects while her fellow cumdumpsters nod and smile blankly.
When she gets more...