Collecting Jokes / Recent Jokes

Collecting Unemployment
Ole and Sven worked together and both were laid off, so they headed over to the unemployment office.
When Ole was asked his occupation, he replied, "Panty stitcher. I sew elastic onto cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classed as unskilled labor, so she gave Ole $250 a week unemployment pay.
She then asked Sven what his occupation was, and he replied, "Diesel fitter."
Looking up diesel fitter, the clerk found it classed as skilled labor, so she gave Sven $500 a week.
When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double the amount that he was.
"Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor," the clerk explained.
"What skill?" Ole yelled. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, 'Ya, diesel fitter'!"

Three Pastors met, a Nigerian Pastor, Ghanian Pastor and a Cameroonian Pastor. They were discussing what they did with offerings from the Church. The Nigerian Pastor said, after collecting offerings from the Church, he draws a circl, he stands in the middle of the circle, he throws the offerings (money) up, anyone that falls within the circle is for him, anyone that falls outside the circle is for God (Church). Ghanian pastor said, after collecting offerings, he draws a straight line, he throws the offering up, any one that falls on the right side is for him, anyone that falls on the left is for God. Tha Camerronian Pastor looks up and said, for him, after collecting the offerings, he looks up and throws the offering up anyone that falls back to the ground is for him, and anyone that stays up there is for God. How mean can a Money Pastor be!!!.

During the early part of Fall, the Indians asked their Chief if the winter was going to be mild or cold. Not really knowing the answer, the Chief said that the winter was going to be very cold and the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.
The Chief then contacted the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter going to be cold?" The man on the phone replied, "Yes, this winter will be quite cold."
Hearing this, the Chief went back to his people to speed them up in their efforts of collecting wood so that they would be prepared for the coming season.
Several days later, he again called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is it going to be a cold winter?" "Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go and find every scrap of wood they possibly could.
Two weeks later, he again called the National Weather Service more...

Ole and Sven worked together and both were laid off, so they headed over to the unemployment office.
When Ole was asked his occupation, he replied, "Panty stitcher. I sew elastic onto cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classed as unskilled labor, so she gave Ole $250 a week unemployment pay.
She then asked Sven what his occupation was, and he replied, "Diesel fitter."
Looking up diesel fitter, the clerk found it classed as skilled labor, so she gave Sven $500 a week.
When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double the amount that he was.
"Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor," the clerk explained.
"What skill?" Ole yelled. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, 'Ya, diesel fitter'!"

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.
Grudgingly, he agreed. Grabbing a bucket, he walked out the front door, down the steps and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he spotted a beautiful woman walking alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
"Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" he kept thinking to himself as he continued collecting the snails.
Suddenly he looked up and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and ended up going back to her place, where they spent the night together. He woke up very early the next morning and exclaimed, "Oh no! My wife's dinner more...