Castle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Behind the seven seas and seven mountains, there's a castle. And in that castle there's a magic mirror. If you lie to that mirror, it will eat you.
A black-haired girl came and said: "I think I'm the prettiest!" Zap! The mirror ate her.
A brunnette came: "I think I'm the prettiest!" Zap! The mirror ate her too.
A blonde came and said: "I think..." Zap! The mirror ate her.

Once there was a beautiful princess who had many suitors who wished to marry her. Her father, the King, picked three and told them that they would have to compete in a contest to marry his daughter. Whomever won got to marry her.
He called the 3 men to his castle and told them what to do. He said I give you each 3 months to go around the world and collect as many ping pong balls as you can. Whomever collects the most can marry my daughter.
And so the three went off.
A month later one came back. He had found 2,000 ping pong balls. The king said that was pretty good but he must wait for the others to return.
The next month another man came back. He had found 5,000 ping pong balls. The king siad that that was pretty good also but must wait for the final man.
On the last day of the last month, a dirty, beat-up looking man stumbled into the king's castle. He was carrying something in his hands. So the king said to him how many ping pong balls did you get?
Ping pong more...

A group of American tourists were on a guided tour through an ancient castle in Europe.
"Ladies and gentlemen," the guide said, "this castle is over 700 years old. Nothing has been altered or touched in all those years."
"Sounds like they have the same cheap landlord I have!" exclaimed one of the tourists.

A group of American tourists were on a guided tour through an ancient castle in Europe.
"Ladies and gentlemen," the guide said, "this castle is over 700 years old. Nothing has been altered or touched in all those years."
"Sounds like the poor buggers must have the same cheap landlord I have!" exclaimed one of the tourists.

There once was an explorer in a distant land who was granted an audience with the ruler of the kingdom. After being taken through a large, ornate castle, he was introduced to the king. The king was an impressive figure except for one unusual feature, his head was quite small, about the size of a small grapefruit. After talking with the king for some time, the explorer could not contain his curiosity any longer, and asked the king about the size of his head.
After a pause, the king explained that he had not always been a king, and had in fact, been a fisherman when much younger. One day, while out fishing, he had pulled in his net, and found a mermaid in the net.
From the waist up, the mermaid was a very beautiful woman, from the waist down, a fish. The fisherman was preparing to take the mermaid to market to sell as a curiosity, when the mermaid spoke, and told him that she was a magic mermaid.
The mermaid told the fisherman that if he would let her go, she would grant him more...

1689 - Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.

1691 - Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him. 1692 - Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit. 1703 - Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact. 1704 - Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.

1705 - Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.

1716 - After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar more...

The kinderkarten teacher started school every morning by teaching the kids one new English word. She would then ask them to make sentences to show they understand the use of the word.
On this particular morning she chose the word "frugal" and explained that it has to do with 'saving', like 'if you are frugal, you save'.
The kids really had trouble trying to make sentences with this one, untileventually little Sally gets up and says she has a story...
"One day, many many years ago there was a beautiful princess who lived in a wonderful castle in a wonderful land. One afternoon the little princess went for a walk in the woods outside the castle, picking flowers as she went.
Suddenly, after a while she realised that she had lost her way and had no idea how to get back to the castle.
Fortunately just then she noticed a clearing in the woods ahead, and in the middle of the clearing sat a handsome prince on his white horse!
So she ran to the prince and more...