Castle Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A priest and a bus driver both died and went to Heaven at the same time. They get to the pearly gates where Pope St. Peter greets them. He motions to the priest, and they both hop in a jeep and go out the back door. There are about 50 acres of rolling hills with a little cottage on the knoll. St. Peter turns to the priest and says "This will be yours for eternity. A perfect little cottage, right next to lovely pond, a lush little garden, and a library full of books." The priest says, "Thank you so much. This I shall enjoy!" St. Peter drops off the priest, goes back to the pearly gates and motions to the bus driver. They hop in a stretch limo and go out the front door. There are about 500 acres of land, with mountains and lakes and rivers. There is a huge 200-room castle on one of the mountains, and a wishing well that makes wishes come true. St. Peter says "This will be yours for eternity. You can live in that castle with servants to wait on you hand and foot, more...

    1757
    The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by
    Claus II to begin an ambitious project that of breeding and
    training reindeer to fly.

    1773
    The flying reindeer are achieved and become Claus II and III's
    major form of transportation.

    1774
    A mutant reindeer, named Rudolf, is born whose nose emits light.
    He becomes an outcast of the reindeer society, and is taken in by
    the Claus government. Claus II celebrates his 50th birthday,
    inviting several other world leaders for a stay at his castle. To
    impress them, he displays a lavish show of wealth, all at the
    elves' expense. He gives the other leaders the impression of a
    dictatorship under the guise of royalty. The elves sense this,
    and the seeds of rebellion are planted.

    1777
    As conditions become increasingly strict, the elves begin to search
    for a leader to lead their revolt. Rudolf, still in favor of more...

    Man is the king of his castle. A king is a ruler. A ruler is 12 inches. Still think you're a man?

    Well the King's daughter was into her mid twenties, and the king didn't want his princess to be an old maid. The princess wasn't the most beautiful of women, andwasn't having any luck finding a suitable husband. TheKing finally decided to take matters into his own hand. He had flyers printed up and posted all over the kingdom,"who so ever wishes to marry the princess should appear at thecastle at noon, the following Sunday."Only three suitors arrived at the castle. The king decidedto have a test to determine who would get his daughter's hand. Each suitor would have to climb the castle wall, swim the moat, and then have sex with one of the castle's cows. The first suitor didn't even make it over the wall. The second suitor made it over the wall, but couldn't swim the moat. The third suitor, climbed the wall, swam the moat, fucked the cow, and wasn't even tired. The king went up to him, and said "Congratulations, you are the onlyone worthy enough to marry my more...

    Once upon a time
    in a land far away
    a beautiful, independent,
    self assured princess
    happened upon a frog as she sat,
    contemplating ecological issues
    on the shores of an unpolluted pond
    in a verdant meadow near her castle.
    A frog hopped into the princess lap
    and said: Elegant Lady,
    I was once a handsome prince,
    until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
    One kiss from you, however,
    and I will turn back
    into the dapper, young prince that I am
    and then, my sweet, we can marry
    and setup housekeeping in your castle
    with my mother,
    where you can prepare my meals,
    clean my clothes, bear my children,
    and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
    That night
    as the princess dined sumptuously
    on a repast of lightly sauteed froglegs
    seasoned in white wine,
    and onion cream sauce,
    she chuckled to herself and thought:

    I don't fucking think so.

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