Castle Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A priest and a bus driver both died and went to Heaven at the same time. They get to the pearly gates where Pope St. Peter greets them. He motions to the priest, and they both hop in a jeep and go out the back door. There are about 50 acres of rolling hills with a little cottage on the knoll. St. Peter turns to the priest and says "This will be yours for eternity. A perfect little cottage, right next to lovely pond, a lush little garden, and a library full of books." The priest says, "Thank you so much. This I shall enjoy!" St. Peter drops off the priest, goes back to the pearly gates and motions to the bus driver. They hop in a stretch limo and go out the front door. There are about 500 acres of land, with mountains and lakes and rivers. There is a huge 200-room castle on one of the mountains, and a wishing well that makes wishes come true. St. Peter says "This will be yours for eternity. You can live in that castle with servants to wait on you hand and foot, more...

    1757
    The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by
    Claus II to begin an ambitious project that of breeding and
    training reindeer to fly.

    1773
    The flying reindeer are achieved and become Claus II and III's
    major form of transportation.

    1774
    A mutant reindeer, named Rudolf, is born whose nose emits light.
    He becomes an outcast of the reindeer society, and is taken in by
    the Claus government. Claus II celebrates his 50th birthday,
    inviting several other world leaders for a stay at his castle. To
    impress them, he displays a lavish show of wealth, all at the
    elves' expense. He gives the other leaders the impression of a
    dictatorship under the guise of royalty. The elves sense this,
    and the seeds of rebellion are planted.

    1777
    As conditions become increasingly strict, the elves begin to search
    for a leader to lead their revolt. Rudolf, still in favor of more...

    Man is the king of his castle. A king is a ruler. A ruler is 12 inches. Still think you're a man?

    1689--Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.
    1691--Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him.
    1692--Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
    1703--Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact.
    1704--Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.
    1705--Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.
    1716--After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar artifacts, as more...

    Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
    The frog hopped into the princesses lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
    That night, the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and shallot cream sauce.

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