Busy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A college professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class.
He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated that there is no God, the expression "One Nation Under God", was unconstitutional, and further, he was going to prove there is no God.
Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
The lecture room fell silent.
You could have heard a pin fall.
Ten minutes went by.
Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."
His countdown got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine just released from active duty and newly registered in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him tail over teacup from his lofty platform.
The professor was out cold!
At first the students were shocked and babbled in confusion.
The young Marine took a seat in the front more...

This quiz is dedicated to all of those people who find themselves constantly roaming the net. Do you leave yourself logged in twenty-four hours a day, even when you’re not home? Is your wpm typing speed higher than your IQ? Are you having trouble seeing things at distances greater than 2 feet? Yes, YOU. You know who you are.
Ok… shall we begin? Yes? 5 points… (you could’ve backed out.)
Unless otherwise stated, point values are as follows: 2 for (a), 4 for (b), 6 for (c), and 10 for (d).

1) How many valid net addresses do you have?
Multiple machines at the same site do not count.
____Internet ____UUCP ____Other public access ____Other
____Bitnet ____Freenet ____Internet BBS ____All seven
(2 points each)

2) How many hours did it take for you to create your. sig?
a) Huh?
b) More than one
c) More than five
d) I’m still looking for a really funky quote

3) On an average working day, how many email more...

Sales person: Hello, may I speak to the man of the house please? Youngster: (whispering) No, he's busy. Sales person: Well then, can I please speak to your mother? Youngster: (in a whisper) She's busy too. Sales person: I see, how about your brother or sister? Can I speak to him? Youngster: (whispering) No. They're both busy too. Sales person: (losing patience) Is there anybody else there I could talk to??? Youngster: (in a whisper) Yeah, the police are here... but they are busy too.... Sales person: ( by now quite exasperated) What are all these people doing that keeps them so busy?!!! Youngster: (still whispering) Looking for me.

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, more...

Guys have feelings too. But like... who cares?
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
I hate everybody, and you're next.
And your point is...
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.
Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.

Guys have feelings too. But, like, who cares? I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them. Next mood swing: 6 minutes. I hate everybody, and you're next. Please don't make me kill you. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now. I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day. Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it. Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later. You KNOW you want me. Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time. Of course I don't look busy - I did it right the first time! Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths? I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time. You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions? You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP. All stressed out and no one to choke. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people. How can I miss you if you won't go away? Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy. Nobody knows I'm not wearing more...

Guys have feelings too. But, like, who cares? I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them. Next mood swing: 6 minutes. I hate everybody, and you're next. Please don't make me kill you. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now. I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day. Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it. Remember my name -- you'll be screaming it later. You KNOW you want me. Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time. Of course I don't look busy - I did it right the first time! Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths? I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time. You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions? You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP. All stressed out and no one to choke. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people. How can I miss you if you won't go away? Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy. Nobody knows I'm not wearing more...