Brad Jokes / Recent Jokes
A high school student came home from school with a writing assignment and asked his father for help. "Dad, could you explain the difference between potential and reality to me?" he asked.
He father looked up and said, "Son, I'll do better than that. I'll demonstrate it for you. Go and ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then, go and ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. After you've done that, come back and tell me what you've learned."
The boy is puzzled but decided to see if he can figure out what his father meant.
He found his mother and asked, "Mom, would you sleep with Robert Redford if someone gave you a million bucks?"
His mother blushed a little and said with a sheepish grin, "I sure would, but don't tell your father."
He then went to his sister and asked, "Hey, sis, would you sleep with Brad Pitt if someone gave you a million more...
I've been thinking about Angelina Jolie saying the she and Brad Pitt want to adopt another child. Is it just me, or does this scream "reality show"? Why not have 10 kids, say, up to age three, living with Brad and Angelina in their mansion. Then every week one could be eliminated and sent back to the third-world hellhole they came from. There could even be immunity challenges-for example, if a kid tests negative for intestinal parasites, he's immune and can't be eliminated that week. When it gets down to the final five kids, America votes for its favorite. The winner gets to be the next Jolie-Pitt, and maybe a sitcom deal with UPN.
Meaning of...' potentially' and' realistically'
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between' potentially' and' realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask
your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that
money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE more...
Trial Of The Century Transcript Reveals Objectionable Methods By Dave Barry, Sunday, March 19, 1995 TRANSCRIPT, TRIAL OF THE CENTURY, DAY 257BAILIFF: Hear ye, hear ye, the court is now in sess...DEFENSE: Objection, your honor.JUDGE: To what? DEFENSE: Nothing, your honor. We're just warming up.PROSECUTION: Your honor, the people would like to state that we also have no objections at this time.DEFENSE: Objection, your honor. Every time the defense says some- thing, the prosecution always feels it has to say something.PROSECUTION: The people do not.DEFENSE: Do too.PROSECUTION: Do not.DEFENSE: Do too.DEFENDANT: OK, stop, I confess! I'm guilty! JUDGE (sternly): Order in the court! (To prosecution): Proceed.PROSECUTION: Where were we? JUDGE (checking his notes): You were on "Do not."PROSECUTION: Oh, right, thanks. Do not.DEFENSE: Your honor, the prosecution is clearly jealous of the defense because we have a lot of marquee legal talent such as F. Lee Bailey and the late Raymond more...
Tom and Brad have been promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they're out for a walk and Tom says, "Hey, Brad, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in."
"But we're privates," protests Brad. "We're sergeants now," says Tom, pulling him inside. "Now, Brad, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drink." So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Tom.
"Your cute," she says, "and I'd like to screw you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Tom pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Brad, go look in the dictionary and see what 'gonorrhea' means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."
So Brad goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Tom the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Tom is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
"Brad," he says, "Why'd you give me the okay?"
"Well, Tom, in the dictionary, it more...