Bodies Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Tomato Garden

    Hot 2 years ago

    An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He
    wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was a lot of
    work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent,
    who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote
    a letter to his son and described his predicament.
    Dear Vincent,
    I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I
    won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm
    just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I
    know if you were here my troubles would be over. I
    know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
    Love, Dad
    A few days later he received a letter from his son.
    Dear Dad,
    Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the
    bodies.
    Love, Vinnie
    At 4 a. m. the next morning, FBI agents and local
    police arrived and dug up the entire area without
    finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and
    left.
    That same day the old man received another letter more...

    It Could Have Been Worse

    Hot 3 years ago

    There was an old country sheriff who always said, "It could have been worse." No matter what happened, the old sheriff always had the same answer: "It could have been worse."

    One day, two deputies in the sheriff's office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death. When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.

    "No doubt about it," one deputy said to the other. "This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."

    "You're right," the other deputy replied. "Double murder and suicide. But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going to say "it could have been worse."

    "No way. How could it be worse? There are three people in the more...

    An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his
    predicament.
    Dear Bubba,
    I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the lot for me.
    Love Dad
    A few days later he received a letter from his son.
    Dear Dad,
    For heaven's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES!
    Love Bubba
    At 4 the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police
    showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
    Dear Dad,
    Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under more...

    Excuses are like bodies; everybody has one!

    Festivity Level One
    Your guests are sitting around chatting, nibbling the party food, sipping their drinks. They are admiring your Christmas tree ornaments and stand around the piano singing carols.
    Festivity Level Two
    Your guests are talking loudly, occasionally to one another. They are wolfing down the food, gulping their drinks, rearranging your Christmas ornaments and sitting on the piano singing "I Gotta Be Me."
    Festivity Level Three
    Your guests are holding conversations with inanimate objects, gulping other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas ornaments and dancing around the piano shouting the words to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction".
    Festivity Level Four
    Your guests, food smeared across their naked bodies, are capering around the burning Christmas tree in some unholy ritual. The piano is missing.
    Unless you rent your home, or own heavy firearms, you generally don't want your parties operating above Level Three. The true test more...

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