Bleeding Jokes / Recent Jokes

I noticed Warren Christopher had to seek treatment for a bleeding ulcer while in Ottawa, Ontario, CANADA.
In a related development, Sen. Phil Gramm pledged that if he's president, his secretary of state will continue bleeding until he gets back to the US, rather than be coopted by the forces of SOCIALIZED MEDICINE.

I noticed Warren Christopher had to seek treatment for a bleeding ulcer while in Ottawa, Ontario, CANADA.
In a related development, Sen. Phil Gramm pledged that if he's president, his secretary of state will continue bleeding until he gets back to the US, rather than be coopted by the forces of SOCIALIZED MEDICINE.

A group of U.S. soldiers arriving in Macedonia found themselves taking a surprise refresher course on first aid. Following an involved lesson on making splints, dressing wounds and applying tourniquets to stop bleeding, the instructor decided to determine how well the class had grasped the information given.

"Jones," he said, pointing to one of the solders, "say your platoon leader sustains a head injury during a cross-country march. What do you do about it?"

"That's easy, Sir," said Jones. "I wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stops."

Tiger, Tiger, bleeding bright
In the driveway of the night
What small Swedish hand or wrist
With a three-wood your head kissed?

What the anger, what the fire
Was so stoked by the Enquirer?
Twas there motive, twas there goal?
Did you play an extra hole?

Couldst thou not appease her
After bedding a skeezer?
Was your mom of no aid, though
Batt’ling that white tornado?

Were you chased from hearth and home
A golf club aimed at your dome?
Did the instinct come to pass
“My caddy will save my ass”?

When Elin did swing her club
Did you cower like a cub?
Did you know she’d hit a ton
And put you on the green in one?

When the impact made a thud
Wat’ring the lawn with your blood
Did she smile her work to see?
And did the pain make you pee?

And as neighbors heard your snores
Did you dream about your whores?
Complete defeat, more...

From Dick Reboulet, circa 1966:
A prize bull and a prize cow got together and decided they'd have a little
prize calf. So they did. When he was born, they decided he'd have the
best of everything-food, education,... So they kept him in a little
compound separated from the hoi polloi. But as he reached puberty, he
looked out through the chain-link fence at all the cows out there, and
drooled. He would back up to the far corner of his pen, and study the
top of the barbed-wire topped fence. He always concluded he couldn't
make it. But one day, he decided he was big and strong enough. He backed
up to the farthest corner, and ran like hell. He jumped over the fence,
and made it, almost. Just then, papa bull came ambling along the fence
line, noticed his son bleeding, noticed what was hanging on the barbed
wire atop the fence, noticed his son bleeding... At last he consoled
his son: Don't worry, son, you can always be a consultant.