Barkeep Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy walks into a bar. At the other end is a horse. Next to the horse is a sign "make this horse laugh get a free beer!" The guy looks at the sign then asks the barkeep if the sign is true. the barkeep nods. The guy walks up to the horse and wispers something in the horses ear. The horse bursts into laughter. With shock the barkeep serves the guy the beer. The guy drinks it and leaves. The next day he comes back to the same bar, the horse is still histaerical with laughter. This time there is a different sign "make this horse cry win free beer!" The guy looks at the sign and asks the barkeep if it is true. the barkeep nods. the guy takes the horse out back. A moment later the horse is sobbing. The barkeep finally asks the guy how he did that. "Well yesterday i told the horse that i had a bigger dick than he did" The guy said " today i prooved it."

Two pieces of string walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bar and says, "Barkeep! Give me a beer!"The bartender replies, "Well uh.. aren't you a piece of string?" The piece of string answers, "Yeah!"And the bartender says, "Well get out of here! We don't serve your kind!"So the first piece of string walks back towards the door. The second piece of string says, "Hey wait, hold on a minute!" "You're not doing it right, watch this." He ties himself in a knot and frizzes out the top of his head. He walks up to the bar and says "Barkeep! Give me a beer!"The barender said "Aren't you a piece of string?" The piece of strings replies, "Nope, I'm afraid not!"

A man walks into a bar and sits down. He notices a foot-tall piano player playing up a storm.
Man: Hey, this guy's really good! Where'd you get him?
Barkeep: Oh, I have a magic lamp that gives me anything I want.
Man: Can I try?
Barkeep: Sure just rub it and say what you want.
Man (rubbing the lamp): I wish for ten thousand bucks.
* Ten thousand ducks appear *
Man: What the hell happened? I asked for 10,000 BUCKS, not DUCKS!
Barkeep: Think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?

One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, “Betcha $20 I can bite my eye. ”
The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty.
Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, “Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye. ”
Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers.
He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, “Hey, barkeep, ” he burbles, “I’ll give you a chance to win yer money back plus. Betcha $100 if you put more...

Two pieces of string walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bar and says, "Barkeep! Give me a beer!"
The bartender replies, "Well uh..aren't you a piece of string?"
The piece of string answers, "Yeah!"
And the bartender says, "Well get out of here! We don't serve your kind!"
So the first piece of string walks back towards the door.
The second piece of string says, "Hey wait, hold on a minute!"
"You're not doing it right, watch this."
He ties himself in a knot and frizzes out the top of his head. He walks up to the bar and says "Barkeep! Give me a beer!"
The barender said "Aren't you a piece of string?"
The piece of strings replies, "Nope, I'm afraid not!"

Two pieces of string walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bar and says, "Barkeep! Give me a beer!"The bartender replies, "Well uh..aren't you a piece of string?"The piece of string answers, "Yeah!"And the bartender says, "Well get out of here! We don't serve your kind!"So the first piece of string walks back towards the door. The second piece of string says, "Hey wait, hold on a minute!" "You're not doing it right, watch this." He ties himself in a knot and frizzes out the top of his head. He walks up to the bar and says "Barkeep! Give me a beer!"The barender said "Aren't you a piece of string?"The piece of strings replies, "Nope, I'm afraid not!"

A man walks into a bar, sits down at a bar stool a says barkeep give me a double scotch.
The barkeep provides the man with his order. The man gulps it down and orders another. The barkeep pours him another. At this point the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny little piano, he reaches again into his pocket and pulls out a little man about a foot tall. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing beautiful music. The man downs his next drink and orders another. The bartender is amazed by the music this little man is playing and asks the patron where he found him. The patron replys that he was a wish granted by a genie and produces a lamp from his pocket. The patron says to the barkeep go ahead rub it and a genie will appear. I still have 2 wishes left you may use one. The bartender rubs the lamp and sure enough a genie appears. The genie tells the man to whisper into his ear a wish and that he would grant it. The man whispers to the genies ear suddenly bam more...