Axe Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day the poor wood cutter lost his axe in the stream. As no way to continue his living without an axe he sat down under a tree andstarted crying and praying for the Lord.
The Lord appeared in front of him and promised that he will find the axe in a miniute.
The Lord jumped to the water and brought up an golden axe. "Is this your's?" The man said' No". "Keep it" the Lord said.
The Lord jumped to the water again and brought an silver axe. "Is this yours" "No" the man said. "Keep it" the Lord said and jumped to the water again.
This time the Lord brought up the real axe and the happy man went home with all three axes with him.
After few days he lost his wife in the stream and kept crying and praying near the stream. The Lord appears in front of him and promised he will find his wife in a minute. The lord jumped to the water and brought Jenifer Lopez out of the stream in few seconds.
"Is this your more...

Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower approached his neighbor, "Ray, may I borrow your axe?" "Not today," Ray replied, "I have to make soup." "What kind of excuse it that?!" demanded Joe. "Well," confessed Ray, "I admit its a lousy excuse. But, if I don't want to loan you my axe, one excuse is as good as another."

A saw mill advertises for a timber worker. A skinny little bloke shows up at the camp the next day carrying an axe. The head timber worker takes one look at the puny bloke and tells him to get lost.
"Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the little guy.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" says the foreman. "Take your axe and cut it down."
The little bloke heads for the tree and in five minutes he's knocking on the foreman's door. "I cut the tree down," says the bloke.
The foreman can't believe his eyes and says,"Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Great Australian Forest," says the little fella.
"You mean the Great Australian Desert," says the foreman.
"Sure! That's what they call it now!"

What happens if an axe falls on your car? You have an ax-i-dent (accident).

> Everything was rather quiet in the hundred acre wood. The trees whispered
> to each other as the wind rustled their leaves. Under a large oak tree,
> there lived Pooh bear. From inside Pooh's house, there came a steady
> bang... bang... bang!, that was making his honey jars rattle on the
> sideboard. The light came through the window, and in the evening sun Pooh
> raised the axe once more and brought it down on the tattered remains of
> Christopher Robin. "Why... won't... he... fit..." puffed Pooh to himself as
> the axe came down once more. There was a small pile of earth, and a hole
> next to it, which Pooh had hidden with his favourite rug. Christopher
> Robin, selfish prat that he was, didn't quite fit in the hole Pooh had
> dug, so instead of making it wider he had decided to hack Christopher
> Robin's legs off. "A far more sensible idea", thought Pooh, and hummed a
> little song to himself as he more...

Okay this indian walks into a drug store and told a guy, "Me in love with cheifs daughter
me don't want him to find out." The pharmacist said okay here a condom, the next day the
indian walks in with an axe and punches the counter. The pharmacist said whats wrong?
The indian exclaimed, "left nut go *UH*, right nut go *UH*, condom go *BOOM*". So at this
point the pharmacist was amazed, so he handed him a stronger condom, the indian showed up
the next day with an axe, and knife. The indian threw the axe at the pharmacist's office, the
pharmacist was scared and asked whats wrong, the indian said, "Left nut go *UH*, right nut go
*UH*, condom go *BOOM*. The pharmacist was amazed and handed the indian the strongest condom on
the market, the indian came back the next day with an axe, and a knife again, and threw it at
the pharmacist's desk landing in front of him. The pharmacist now on the floor asks whats wrong?
The more...